The Vision of Kings
by sophiesix
Summary: Flame and Alex struggle to balance the aspirations of Souls and humans. As Dorsey falls for Blackheath, he continues to resist a future that includes Souls. Can they ever live together in peace? Follows Lines of War
1. Chapter 1

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* * *

**The Vision of Kings**

*

"My sister was in love with a killer…"

_Flame and Alex struggle to balance the __aspirations of Souls and humans. As Dorsey falls for Blackheath, he continues to resist a future that includes Souls. Can they ever live together in peace?_

_*_

To Nicola and Harry who once told me to just write for as long as I could, and see where it took me.

This is where I stopped. For a while.

* * *

**Being happy**

***

"We have football!" Alex said, walking in the front door with his arms raised in victory. Dorsey and Bhask let out twin shouts of triumph from the kitchen.

The code of conduct negotiations had been stuck on this point for days. The humans couldn't understand the problem, and the Souls could not see its appeal. Now the Souls had finally conceded it to them, and in return the humans had put off their unlikely appeal for boxing. Self defence had been agreed upon, but boxing was considered too blatantly aggressive. Boxing would just go underground. Of course, even with self defence, there would be conditions; there always were. But that was the nature of compromise, and much compromise would be necessary if humans and Souls were to live side by side.

"Oh, and this is Josh," Alex continued, introducing a young man that had followed him in. "His sister's been brought into the Healing Centre, I said he could stay with us tonight. This is Flame and Ayasha, Bhaskar, and that's Dorsey."

"Hiii Josh" we droned. It wasn't the first time Alex had brought home strays. It was as if he was on a personal mission to ensure every possible human was as happy as could be. He'd never let one be sent to a lonely hotel room if there was a possibility of a home cooked meal.

"No problem, I think I've got another rabbit out the back. You like stew, kid?" Dorsey said, giving him a solemn wink.

"Stew would be great," Josh said faintly.

Bhask cracked up. "She's having you on, we're having roast." Dorsey loved teasing strays newly arrived from camps.

Alex had come and kneeled beside me, drinking in the sight of a peaceful healthy baby. I found much of my time spent with her. Too much, according to Dorsey. If Melts Blue Ice felt it was important to have me at negotiations, Dorsey or Bhask jumped at the chance to look after her for a few hours. But I wasn't comfortable away from her for too long. I'd never expected to have her grow into a normal healthy baby, and still felt vaguely amazed whenever I saw her perfect face, breathing on its own, no hospital equipment in sight. I knew Alex felt much the same, perhaps more so, because he still felt responsible for her poor start in life. His day was always filled with Human-Soul issues of one kind or another, and sometimes the nights too, so he treasured any spare time with her even more than I did.

"Take her. I've had her all day," I said softly to him.

"Nah, she's comfy," he murmured.

"Go on."

"I can't just stroll straight in here and take her away from you-"

"Oh pick the damn kid up already!" Dorsey yelled. Josh's mouth hung open.

Dorsey raised an eyebrow at him while tossing the roasts' vegetables.

"What, you think we should all bow and scrape to the Leader of the Free World?" Though Alex was technically just a member of the parliament, many still saw him, and treated him, as their leader. Dorsey, Bhask, and I hated it.

"He'll always be just Alex to us."

"No Hawkmoth allowed in this house."

"No. Way."

"And it's our job to keep him down to Earth."

"Sure is."

"As often as possible."

But Alex had eyes only for the baby in his arms.

"You three are by far more challenging than being Leader of the Free World. Hundreds of people are happy to do what I say, they even ask for my advice, if you can believe it. But you can count on it, if I tell one of you guys not to do something you'll just go right ahead and do it. You don't listen to a word I say. But _you_, little one," he said, smiling at Ayasha, "You are going to be different. I will have you snapping to attention, obeying my slightest order, doing push-ups on command…"

Dorsey and Bhask were helpless with laughter.

"Oh, yeah, that's likely."

I had paused from setting the table, picturing my daughter manically doing pushups in a military uniform. Dorsey glanced at me and rolled her eyes.

"Alex, tell Flame you're not really going to turn her into a soldier," she said as she pulled the roast out of the oven to check it.

"His one and only daughter? He's not going to let her near a sharp object let alone a conflict zone," Bhask said, pinching some roast skin. Dorsey smacked him with a spoon.

"Sons, on the other hand," she said darkly threatening, returning the roast to the oven.

"What did the employment people say?" I asked a little hurriedly.

Bhask scowled and went back to laying out knives and forks.

"They keep wanting me to do work in positions that 'revitalise human culture'. I've never done ballroom dancing in my life! I couldn't dance if my life depended on it. And they were like, but you're human!"

Dorsey hooted gleefully.

"I blame you, Mum, you never took me to the art gallery. I don't know anything about these so-called 'humans'."

"What about movies, comics…? You spent most of your childhood watching movies. I remember I had to sneak comics out of bins for you."

"Oh that was sacrilege! They were throwing out X-Men for being too violent!!" Bhask howled, "But they don't consider that _traditional human culture_. It doesn't count."

"They don't know it as well, that's all. Maybe you need to show them."

"It's your sworn duty, Bhask," Dorsey said, "you can't let generations of human children grow up without X-men. That's _so_ much more important than ballroom dancing." She hefted the roast out of the oven again.

"Good enough. Dinner is served."

Alex came up to the table and sat Ayasha on his knee while he ate. I looked at them contentedly. I had my family, including a healthy baby, a secure home, opportunities for Bhask, even a piano for Alex. Who would have thought Bhask and I could be living so happily in a city after just a few years. It was a night no different from countless others, but I remembered it because it was the last night we were all happily together there.

***

The next day we left to visit George; he hadn't yet seen his granddaughter. Dorsey had finally persuaded Alex to come.

"You guys go," Alex had said, "It's too close to winter for me. If it snows, I won't make it back for the next session of negotiations." Dorsey rolled her eyes at me behind his back. I could see the headlines now: _Hawkmoth Strikes Again_! _Leader of the Free World Ruins Family Holiday: women and children devastated_.

"It's not going to snow," she insisted.

He looked unconvinced.

"I promise you it won't snow for another 3 weeks at least."

He looked at her lengthily.

"Alright", he said slowly, "I have to talk to Blackheath about a few things… but I guess I could take a little time off..." Dorsey grinned and started packing. Alex shook his head and left.

"Dorsey!" I said incredulously: there was no way she could know it wasn't going to snow.

"What?" she said, all innocence, "It might be true. And he needs a break. He works All the Time." She grinned mischievously at me. I smiled back; it would be good to have Alex at home for a while. And he would love the extra time with Ayasha.


	2. Chapter 2 Going home

**Going Home**

*******

"Come on, I want to show you something," Dorsey said, giving Alex a look and leading me up through the trees away from the path. Alex and Bhask dropped their packs and sprawled on the ground, relaxing til we came back. We were so close to George's camp, and I wondered why we'd be taking a detour now.

"Where're we going?" I asked, shielding Ayasha from the flick of the branches we were pushing through.

"We're going to visit Edie," Dorsey replied softly. I hadn't been home since Edie died, and a pang of sadness oozed through me to think I had been away for her last months. I hadn't been there for her, and I'd never said goodbye.

The overcast sky lit the forest with a dim green light as we pushed on up the slope. Dorsey stopped in a clearing on the ridge.

"This is where we buried her."

Sitting down beside the grassy grave, I thought of Edie, always quiet and welcoming, even to the Soul that had been implanted in her daughter. I had not known a mother before coming to this world, but now I knew twice over the love of a mother for her child. I could feel what it meant to have that connection cut. Ayasha grabbed at the grass and pulled it up strand by strand.

"Hey careful, that's your grandmother under there," Dorsey said gently, catching her hands and pulling her onto her lap.

"She never got to meet her granddaughter. She never even knew I was pregnant," I said softly. Edie had become sick when I was still at Flynt's cave, but the others had decided not to worry me about it, thinking it would pass. And then the Souls attacked and I was taken, and no one could tell me anything. Well, Alex could have, but he was afraid I would go running off to see her in the middle of a war. And then I was too sick to do anything… I knew I couldn't have done anything differently, but I still felt guilty somehow. I knew Alex blamed himself too, but he had had to be Hawkmoth; the welfare of the country had had to come first.

"I don't think she was worried," Dorsey mused, "Getting you back was enough, when everyone thought Burning Lights was lost forever. Besides, she knew you and Alex were meant for each other, she probably figured it was only a matter of time."

"Anyway," she continued more lightly, "she's meeting her now. Yashie, this is your grandmother. Edie, this is Ayasha,"

Ayasha stared at the ground blankly.

"You're confusing her," I laughed, "she's thinking: why are they introducing me to the ground now? What's that going to do for me?"

"I don't know about that. I don't think there's terribly much going on in there at all, is there?" Dorsey said, tapping Yashie's head. Yashie beamed at her.

I leaned back into the grass and tried to feel Edie's presence. But there was nothing. My mother was gone.

***

When we came back down, George was sitting waiting with the boys.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" Dorsey cried, running to give him a hug. I sat down beside Alex, putting Ayasha on the ground in front of us.

"Got sick of waiting for you. Thought I might have a better chance of meeting my granddaughter if I met you halfway." He gave me a kiss on the cheek and then squatted in front of Ayasha.

"Well, hello there," George said softly. Ayasha looked at him with mild disinterest and then gazed at her fingers.

"No, this isn't another random person to worship you, this is your grandfather; there are major spoiling opportunities here," Bhask told her, turning her round to face him.

"Pick her up. You're not really human in her book unless you've lugged her around for a bit," Dorsey advised, "She's banking on never having to walk on her own two feet."

"And she's been doing pretty well so far."

George gently picked her up and sat her on his leg. She twisted round to look at him doubtfully, then accepted the new seating arrangements placidly. It was a better view from there.

"I swear you have her on valium. I've never seen such a quiet baby," Dorsey said.

"Must have been all the sedatives they had you on in hospital. She should be a nutcase," Bhask said.

Alex looked pained and I changed the topic quickly. "What does everyone think about the Treaty, George?"

"Lots of talk, as usual. This and that. Some people think we've surrendered too much, but I think most people are just happy we're getting somewhere. You get nowhere fast, eh?" I opened my mouth to reply but Dorsey dug me in the ribs.

"Stop bugging him Flame, let him enjoy his granddaughter," she said.

"We should get going anyway," George said, glancing at the sky, "Before -"

"You take Yashie then, who's going to race me home?" Dorsey interrupted, snapping on her pack and flying down the trail, Bhask at her heels.

***

When we woke up the next morning, Alex stood at the entrance, arms folded, dourly watching the snow falling. The ground was already covered and it was still falling fast. No one would be going anywhere for quite some time.

"Morning, Great Leader," Dorsey said coming up to him. He looked at her with raised eyebrows, unamused.

"Oh no, is it snowing?" she said in mock horror. "Flame, look at that!"

"How terrible," I grinned, shaking my head.

"Guess you're stuck with us for a few days."

But Alex just shook his head and kept watching the snow.

"Hey, let us know if it lets up and we'll make a run for it!" Dorsey called back laughing, as we left him to get some breakfast.

"You just love tormenting him, don't you?"

"Oh, like you don't," she replied, "Anyway it's good for him. He takes things too seriously."

But at first, we saw even less of Alex, as he was glued to the radio, changing his schedule to fit the delay.

"How's it going?" I asked at dinner, the first time I'd seen him all day.

"We'll manage," he said grimly, "Blackheath's going to see to the more urgent teleconferences, the others I'll have to postpone."

"Blackheath?" I said doubtfully.

"See, it's all working out fine," Dorsey said, "You should trust me when I say the world won't fall apart if you take a break."

"You, I can't even trust to tell me if it's going to snow in winter," Alex said, glaring at her, "Blackheath, I can trust."

And the next morning he proved his point.

"What is that noise?" Bhask said, as we all crowded around the entrance. A snowmobile came snarling up the valley, Alex watching it triumphantly.

"Alex, what is this?" Dorsey asked suspiciously.

"This," he replied, "is plan B."

The rider swung out of the seat and walked over, taking off his helmet: it was Blackheath. Alex must have told him to come pick him up if it snowed.

"Get some water boiling," Alex called frowning, noticing the bottom half of Blackheath was soaked. I noticed how giving orders just came naturally to him now.

"First ford's not frozen yet," Blackheath explained grimly, "had to go the long way round."

"How's the petrol?"

"It'll be alright if we go back direct. We'll have to wait til the rivers freeze."

Alex turned away in frustration.

"More family time, huh?" I said, hugging Alex's shoulders. Blackheath looked at me with frank dislike.


	3. Chapter 3 Playing around

**Playing around**

*******

With Alex, Dorsey, Bhask, and George around, I barely had my baby to myself. But, maybe Dorsey was right and I was greedy about her. She ought to catch up with her grandpa anyway. She recognized his face with delight now and scowled at me if I took her off him even to nurse her.

"Wow, you're in trouble," George laughed, noticing her expression.

"Yeah, that's me: bad cop," I said resignedly.

"But seriously though, like that's as mad as she gets," Dorsey said, joining us, "see, she's back to vacant staring already: that's her default mode."

"It's not vacant! It's contented!" I protested.

"You sure she hasn't been implanted already?" she said, checking Yashie's neck. I looked at her in horror and she rolled her eyes.

"Anyway, Grandpa can look after her tonight, we're going to play cops and robbers," she said, handing her over.

"In the snow?" I asked and followed her outside. I'd played this with them in the summer a few times: one group hid while the others tried to find them. Once found and tagged, you had to go wait at a central location, the "jail", and your team would have to try and break you out by tagging the jail without getting caught. It was fun on a balmy summer night, but shin deep snow would be exhausting.

"Sure! It's much softer landing in snow when you're tackled."

"Plus, instead of tagging people, there's the added option of shooting them with a snowball," Henry said, already holding two he'd prepared earlier.

"Coming?" Dorsey asked Blackheath nonchalantly on the way past. He opened his mouth to decline and got a snowball plastered on his face.

"I think that was a yes," Henry grinned, and Blackheath's eyes gleamed as he followed us out.

Dorsey and I ended up on the same team and Alex and Blackheath on the other. Alex's team won the toss and Alex gathered them round to discuss strategy, assuming leadership automatically. Then a snowball smacked him in the head.

"You think too much, you bloody Russian!" Henry grinned, "Let's just _play_!"

"Fine, we'll hide first," Alex said, wiping snow out of his eyes.

We gave them a minute to hide, then set off in search. Their tracks were easy to follow in the deep snow, despite the flakes still drifting from the sky. I followed the trail into the forest, and then began to lose it.

"This is ridiculous," I muttered, retracing my steps and starting again: boot prints in snow should be the easiest trail to follow. But again, once I got to where the trees grew thickest, the tracks disappeared.

"Look _up_, Flame!" Dorsey called in exasperation, noticing me staring puzzled at the ground. Of course! The others had climbed into the trees so they wouldn't leave any tracks. Finally I spotted a dark bulge along a trunk silhouetted against the night sky.

"Bhask! I can see you up there!"

"Well, you're halfway there then," he grinned at me, "but you still have to catch me!"

Sighing, I started up the tree. But as soon as I got close he jumped over the next tree and climbed down. The gap between the two branches wasn't large, but it was icy, swaying in the slight breeze, and a long way down between them. I climbed back down my tree. Sure enough, as soon as I'd got to the bottom he'd climbed back to the top.

"How you going there?" Bhask called, "You going to get me anytime this century?" Then a snowball hit him in the middle of the chest.

"Dorsey!" he howled.

"I think we might put you in defence, hey?" Dorsey said, steering me back to the 'jail' and setting me up to guard it. The jail was the middle of the clearing, so no one could sneak up on it for a jailbreak. Henry was already there, molding snowballs glumly.

"What, taken already?" Bhask said in dismay.

"What can I say? She's good," Henry muttered, glaring at Dorsey. Finally everyone was tagged but Alex and Blackheath.

"Oh man! Beaten on our own patch by a pair of foreigners!" Henry wailed.

"You're on the same team, remember?" I hissed at him.

"Sure, sure."

I spotted Alex belly-crawling through the snow, but pretended not to see him, waiting til he got close enough to tag easily.

"Flame look out!" Dorsey screamed. Alex was only the diversion, and Blackheath had snuck up behind to do the jailbreak. I grabbed Henry's snowballs and hit Blackheath and then Alex in quick succession. Dorsey whooped in triumph.

"How about if you could keep your eyes off Alex and on the job?" she called, coming over to regroup.

"I thought Alex was the job!"

"Man, if you'd missed Blackheath, I would have killed you!"

"It's just a game, Dorsey," Henry said and Dorsey rolled her eyes.

"You always say that when you lose."

Then it was our turn to hide. I curled up around the base of a trunk, which in summer was perfect as you were almost visible. But in winter, the snow made it a different story completely. Alex found me in under a minute.

"You're going to have to do better than that," he said, dragging me out by a leg and accompanying me to the jail. Alex's team were efficient and had half of us rounded up in no time at all. Then Jake ran out from the cover of the trees and sprinted in, trying to break us out. He was like a deer in the snow, dodging this way and that, and soon everyone was either after him, tackling the guards, or egging him on loudly.

"Jail break!" Dorsey yelled from behind us, having run in while everyone was occupied with Jake. We scattered into the trees instantly, and they started the job of catching us all over again.

This time I hid under a fallen tree, its sagging branches thick with pine needles hiding me completely from view.

"Gotcha!" Alex said, grabbing my foot.

"I'm beginning to think you're stalking me," I muttered, starting back for the jail.

"It's my personal duty to hound your every step," he grinned.

It took longer to round everyone up this time, as people were becoming exhausted from pushing through the snow. At last everyone was accounted for except Dorsey.

"Figures," Henry groaned, "We'll be out here all night looking for _her_."

"Ok, everyone spread out, I'll guard the jail," Alex ordered, and I was amused to see his minions obey instantly. He noticed me rubbing my arms and drew me into a hug.

"Hey! No assaulting the prisoners!" Jake protested, and the others joined in.

"Yeah, that's unfair treatment!

"Special privileges!"

Alex laughed and let me go, returning to his post in the moonlit plain.

"Watch out!" Henry shouted from the trees.

Dorsey was sprinting in, attempting another breakout. Blackheath was in hot pursuit but had no hope of catching her in the snow. Alex was their last hope to win the game.

"Get her! Get her, Hawkmoth!" Blackheath shouted.

"You touch me and I'll break Yashie's arm!" Dorsey shouted.

Alex laughed at the ludicrousness of the idea, and Dorsey dodged past him. She had a free run to our outstretched hands, until a snowball smacked her upside the head. She spun around, furious in defeat.

Blackheath was forming another snowball with a small smile.

"I think that means you're out. Or do you want a second one, just to be sure?" Dorsey threw up her hands and keeled over into the snow as if dead.

"See, that's the difference between you and me," I heard Blackheath mutter to Alex as he pushed past him, "I would shoot you if I had to."

"What makes you think I won't?" Alex replied, and they hauled Dorsey to her feet.

"Guys? Just a game? Remember?" Dorsey said.

"Rematch!" Henry called, as everyone regrouped. He was answered with groans with fatigue. "No, come on guys, you'll love it. We'll mix it up a little. New teams!"

This time, Henry found himself on Dorsey's team, with Blackheath, and I was on Alex's.

"Keep out of my way, Flame," Dorsey hissed at me, "don't think that just because you're my little sister I'm not going to flatten you."

"Some sister you are," Alex said, getting in her face and pretending to be quietly menacing.

"Loyalty's to the team, babe, now let's play!"

We were hiding first, and Alex led me deep into the forest til there was only the sound of our feet running in the snow.

"Hang on," I said finally, pausing to catch my breath, "aren't we supposed to hide at some stage?"

"Or we could just keep running," he said, grinning, "We've got a headstart, they'd never catch us"

"Uh, isn't this meant to be a team sport?"

"You're all the team I need," he said, wrapping his arms around me. But at the nearby sound of someone being caught, he was gone. I knew better than to try and find him; when Alex hid he may as well have been invisible, if not nonexistent. You could be two feet from him and never know he was there.

I wedged myself into a hollow left by the roots of a fallen tree and listened as the sound of people grew faint again. The forest was quietly filling up with snow, erasing our tracks, and the chill began to seep into my clothes.

Then, where the snowflakes blurred the outlines of the trees, I saw movement. Someone was coming. They were too low to be standing. They must be crawling, but the movements were too graceful for a human on hands and knees.

Then there were shouts as someone was captured further back, and as it lifted its head to listen, I could see its shape more clearly: a wolf.

My breath froze with instinctive fear at the predatory silhouette, and Flynt's words came to me: "The wolf will only fight you if you corner him. The ones that attack without provocation are always the crazy ones…"

Was this one crazy, to be out in the snow like this, so close to humans? But my initial fear was sapped by a growing feeling of wonder at the shadowy grace of the form, picking its way carefully through the drifts, delicately smelling our tracks, methodically listening to the others as they were caught with shouts of triumph and howls of dismay.

The wolf stopped, immobile, and I realised he was listening to something new. Then like a wound-up spring released, he vanished. A few seconds later, Dorsey and Blackheath emerged through the trees, following the faint line of our tracks.

"Look, wolf tracks," Dorsey noted, squatting to examine them. But Blackheath was fully focused on his human prey. The intensity of his gaze chilled me; I had no wish to be hunted by him any further. I crawled out of my hollow, showing myself.

"Alright, you found me," I said.

"Flame!" Dorsey groaned, "You're supposed to wait til we _actually_ find you!"

"Close enough," I shrugged. Dorsey turned to go back, but Blackheath was still watchful.

"Where's Alex? There were two sets of tracks."

"Like she's going to tell you. He could be anywhere by now-"

"Jailbreak!" Alex's voice came faintly through the trees.

Blackheath swore.

"I can't believe he used you as bait!" Dorsey groaned, "He lured us all the way out here… Now we've got to start again!"

"Well, we've got one at least, you're not getting away." Blackheath grabbed my wrist and twisted it behind my back, pushing me through the snow towards the jail. Dorsey watched stunned.

"Blackheath? She's a Soul? You tell her to go jail, she'll go to jail. She won't even pass go."

Blackheath noticed the appalled look in her eyes and dropped my wrist like it was unclean. I curled it into my chest and rubbed it, easing away the pain.

"You alright?" Dorsey asked softly.

"Yeah," I replied, "I don't think I'm really made for human games. Except maybe as bait." I looked around but Blackheath had melted into the night.

"What's wrong with you? I would have thought you'd be good at this. It's basically your job, isn't it?" Dorsey said, walking back with me through the snow covered pines.

I shrugged.

"Doesn't really have the same drive, does it? I mean, we're all friends-"

Dorsey snapped her fingers.

"It's the competition thing isn't it? You just don't have a competitive bone in your body!"

"That's so not true!"

"Race you back then!" And she was away in an instant, dodging through the trees. At first I thought I was too tired to bother, but as the silence of the woods closed in around me, I changed my mind. Just as I was about to push past the final tree into the clearing, someone leapt out from behind it and tackled me to the ground.

"She's already tagged!" Dorsey called.

"Besides, game's over," Jake said, as despite Henry's protests, the others were giving up and going to bed.

"Depends what game you're playing," Alex grinned, rolling off me and letting me stand up again. I knocked his legs from under him so he fell heavily in the deep snow.

"I guess I win then," I replied. He shook his head in amusement and we walked back to the cave. As I settled down to sleep I noticed Dorsey wide awake, staring at the wall.

"You can't still have some energy left after that?" I sighed.

"Huh? No, I'll be asleep in no time," she replied. But I watched her until I couldn't hold my eyes open anymore, and she was still staring wide-eyed at the walls.


	4. Chapter 4 Desiring

**Desiring**

*******

"What's with that?" I heard Jake say, nodding to where Dorsey was hanging around Blackheath, getting breakfast. I was waiting for Alex, who was busy with the radio as usual. I couldn't help but listen in to this conversation.

"I dunno. Maybe she's shy," Henry said.

"Dorsey?" Jake said, his voice high with disbelief, "Man, she would just chew him up and spit him out! She can't be interested in him."

"She moons after him like a puppy! Everyone's seen it!"

"What's he waiting for then?"

Henry shrugged.

"Freak," Jake muttered.

That afternoon the snow eased up and Dorsey and I went for a walk along the ridgeline, which the winds kept more or less scoured of snow. I finally had her alone. But she didn't say anything directly about Blackheath till we were halfway back.

"Can you believe he got me with that snowball? Man, he's a good shot," she said lightly, staring at the view.

"Dorsey? About Blackheath… I'm getting the feeling that you like him."

She shrugged, walking on with her hands pushed deep in her pockets.

"Sure I like him."

I frowned at her in frustration. She knew I was no good at these talks and she was giving me nothing.

"I mean more than just like him?"

"Yeah, well… he's not interested," she said softly.

"What? Are you sure? He seems pretty interested to me," I said, thinking of how he looked at her. It was very different to how he looked at me. Dorsey sighed.

"He talks to me, he's nice to me… but that's it. It's like he's just not interested in anything else. Maybe he doesn't date half breeds."

I looked at her, stunned. I got the feeling someone had told her this before.

"No, no I think he's pretty anti any kind of purity theory. He didn't get along with Kelly because she didn't reckon he was pure human enough. That's why he got burnt so bad."

Dorsey kept walking, kicking at the snow.

"Are you sure he knows you like him?" I pressed.

She shrugged again.

"You can only make innuendos for so long before you just feel stupid. He's a good friend. I should just be happy with that." She looked anything but happy.

The sound of pounding drums called from inside the cave, letting us know we were late.

"Come on," she said, and ran the rest of the way. I followed more slowly and by the time I got there, she was lost in the rhythm. I took Ayasha from Bhask and settled down to watch.

I looked for Blackheath; he was hanging around with Henry's friends, listening to their banter. But he was constantly aware of where she was. She only had to look towards the water barrel and he'd be at her elbow with a drink. It's like he was tuned into her, all the time. He must like her. Besides, he was the only one with the stamina and the nerve to stand up to her in an argument, blow for blow.

But she was right. He never _started_ anything. He always waited for her to speak first. He never invited her to do anything he was doing. In that way it was like he wasn't interested. But he obviously was.

With the others, he was always reserved, but talked if he was talked to, retold stories with a dark humour if asked, chuckled at jokes. He never got drinks for anyone else. He was definitely more interested in Dorsey than anyone here.

What was his problem? I wished I could go talk to him, but he stiffened if he even caught me looking at him. The only time he'd talk in my presence was if Dorsey asked him something. I knew he hated Souls, but I was beginning to feel it was something more too. He and Alex had been arguing more and more lately. He thought Alex was compromising too much, that the Souls had too much influence on him. Me, in other words. I remembered running into them when I was looking for Alex the day before.

"You're not Leader of the Free World. You're not leader of the free anything!" Blackheath was saying, his voice almost a snarl, "_nothing_'s free anymore, we have to do everything the Souls say, we have to watch our backs every friggin second-"

"We have both had to compromise," Alex said, and then they noticed me and closed up. Blackheath had stalked off, still furious.

When Dorsey next stopped for a break, she came to stand with me. She was glowing with energy, but peaceful too, centred somehow, and elegant even as she guzzled her glass of water. I caught Blackheath watching her, and he glared at me.

"Why does he hate us so much?" I asked her, watching him leave the cave, "Souls, I mean. He still _hates_ us, even after we healed him."

She sat down beside me and was quiet for a moment, batting Ayasha's fists together.

"You know he was in prison?" she started. I nodded. "He was in prison when the implantations started. The Souls took over the place, and implanted the prisoners cell block by cell block. They called it a new behavior modification program. But everyone knew something was very, very wrong. It was a big place, and it took them weeks to implant everyone. And all that time, they were trapped, waiting, powerless to do nothing but sit and wait for their turn to come. It was worse than death row."

I shivered instinctively. Alex would have gone mad. Could I expect Blackheath to live through something like that and just be normal?

"Man, it's hot in here," Dorsey muttered, "I'm gonna get some air. You coming?"

I walked with her to the entrance, but stopped when I saw Blackheath leaning against the rock outside, hands deep in his pockets against the cold. Dorsey smiled at me in thanks and kept going towards him. She talked to him for a moment; he shook his head and looked away. She hesitated, then walked off. I hated the hopeless slant of her shoulders. I _really_ hated it. I shifted Yashie onto my hip.

"What's wrong with my sister that she's not good enough for you?" I said, barreling over to him. He looked at me, stunned. I never usually tried to make him talk to me.

"She didn't choose to have her sister implanted," I went on belligerently, "It's not her fault. You can't just keep giving her the cold shoulder because of that."

He looked away.

"She's not serious," he said, then glanced back at me. Was there a hint of anxious hope in that glance? His face was always so guarded it was hard to tell. "She just wants a fling. Like she'd go for some crippled burns victim."

I was taken aback; he barely had a limp.

"You're not even giving her a chance!"

"Leave me alone," he growled and walked off into the moonlit snow.

I watched him go, helpless that I couldn't get through to him, couldn't make things right for Dorsey. He liked her, I was sure of it, and she liked him: why did he have to make it anymore complicated than that? But I knew even love wasn't enough sometimes. It had not been enough for Alex to stay with me when I was pregnant, and it wasn't enough now to get his mind off his job for our supposed holiday. I moped back into the main cave and watched from the shadows as Alex drummed with the others, filling the hot space with vibrations that forced your heart to move in time.


	5. Chapter 5 Pairing

**Pairing**

*******

I could feel Dorsey grinning at me through my closed eyelids. She just exuded energy. Dorsey this excited at this hour of the morning could only mean one thing: Blackheath.

"Alright, I'm up," I grumbled, lifting Alex's arm off me and putting it in the ground gently. Dorsey was bouncing as I pulled on my coat. While I checked on Ayasha she pinched my boots and danced over to the entrance

"Give those back! The floor is _freezing_!" I hissed. But she just stood there grinning and I had to creep over between the sleeping bodies like a cat on an icy tiny roof.

The snow had stopped for a moment and during the night the wind had scrubbed the drifts off the ridges. Dorsey ran ahead along the hill trail.

"He kissed me! _He_ kissed _me_!" she crowed.

"Ok, how about we start from the beginning," I said, running to catch up. She slowed down for me, twisting trough the trees where the trail meandered through forest before getting to the top.

"Well I asked him to go for a walk with me last night and he was like, nah, not interested, like leaning on a rock staring at no view is somehow fascinating." I took a breath to steel myself against her verbal onslaught. "And I had just about had enough with him you know? Like it's a beautiful night, and its cold, and… ok a bit windy but… anyway… So I walked up the hill anyway cause I was just about sick of people in general right then, and then like half a minute later I see him coming after me, which totally pisses me off, coz half a minute ago he could have walked up with me, so I'm just like," and she stood in the middle of the trail, giving me her best 'do I know you?' look. Then she sprinted to the top of the hill and spun around.

"And he's all quiet and moody and – no that's right, he's muttering something about dark windy nights... oh that's right, he goes 'outdoors the wild winds blow, Mistress, and dark is the night' or something-"

"Is that poetry??"

"I don't know, is it? Anyway, so I'm like 'What are you doing here'-"

"You didn't say that."

"What else was I suppose to say? And eventually he spits it out that he's liked me for ages!!"

I grinned back at her, enjoying her glee.

"And you said…?"

"I didn't say anything, I just kissed him like he was totally the last man on earth-"

"Oh come on, you had to have said something."

"Oh, well, eventually I think I was like talking about when I first met him and how pissed off and, like, _hurt_ I was that he wouldn't even talk to me, coz he was so _frickin_ hot-"

I laughed. Dorsey was jumping out her skin today.

"_Everything_ was hot there," I retorted. She made a face and continued on.

"And then, he kissed me! Like, voluntarily!" I hugged her happily. I hadn't seen her this excited over a guy since… well, ever. She jigged around on top of the hill and then started down by another route, winding back through the forest.

"He's wonderful, Flame! I hope we get snowed in forever!"

I smiled at her. She was over the moon. Even the deeper snow in the forest couldn't slow her down much.

"How long do you reckon they'll stay - Oh look!" Through the trees, she had spotted a deer standing trembling in a heap of snow. Its coat was tipped in frost and its slick nose twitched towards us wetly.

"Must have got lost in the storm" she breathed, sliding her pack off her shoulders.

"Do deer get lost?" I whispered back as quietly as I could. The deer jerked up onto its hind legs and fell over kicking with an arrow in its side. I gaped at Dorsey, who was packing away a small cross bow.

"Pays to come prepared, doesn't it?" she grinned, and padded over to it.

***

"So, Dorsey and Blackheath, huh?" Alex said, raising his eyebrows and pointing with his eyes to where they stood leaning on the wall. Blackheath had his arms wrapped around her and she snuggled cosily into his chest.

"Don't tell me you didn't know?" I said, "Your right hand man? And she's been moony over him since before Yashie was born!"

He shrugged, embarrassed. Dorsey was right. He was working way too hard. Next thing you know he'd be amazed that Ayasha was walking.

"You have to get your head out of the law books and look around you a bit more."

I watched as he lent in to kiss her and she turned away, smiling nervously. Oh no – what was going on now? Dorsey was _shy_? Dorsey was_ anything_ but shy. He reluctantly let her go and went to get some water.

"_Now_ what's the problem?" I said, grabbing her arm and driving her out of earshot. "Are you bored with him already?"

"No!"

"He can't be bored with you."

"Oh, _definitely _not." She smiled.

"Then…?"

She pulled her arm out of mine and twined them together, leaning onto the wall. I waited.

"You know how many healthy long term relationships I've had? Ever? None." She watched me, worried. "I really, really don't want to stuff this up."

"You're asking me? About human relationships? I don't know the first thing about human relationships. I'm not even the right species to ask."

"Well at least you're in one."

"Well, it can't be that hard, if even an alien can get it right."

"Or else Alex is just a special guy…"

"Yeah that's more likely." We grinned at each other.

"Tell me what went wrong with the others."

"Me," she muttered. I gave her a look. She squirmed.

"I dunno. If they're going well, I just, I don't know... get scared. I'm waiting for something to go wrong, for him to start hitting me or… in the end I can't stand waiting for it to happen, and I'll break it off. Or make him break it off, if I'm too chicken… That usually takes about 3 weeks. If it lasts longer than a month, you can be sure it's because the guy's no good. And I know it, but, at least I _know_, right? There's that, _relief,_ that comes with knowing. Better the devil you know…" her eyes gleamed with tears, and she blinked them quickly away.

"You are one messed up kitten," I breathed. I had no idea Dorsey was such a nut job when it came to men.

"Yeah well school wasn't really hot on _normal_ socialization. Power plays and… anyway. That's ancient history right? We are dealing with the present. He's a _good guy_, you know? I mean, sure he's not perfect, but who is? Oh, except Alex."

"Alex gets mad sometimes."

"Yeah, he does. He's got to be human somehow, right?"

I smiled. "You should tell him."

"He'll think I'm a freak."

"He thinks you're perfect. It'll do him good to know you're human."

"Make the man feel good, that's the key, hey?"

"Something like that."

She nodded. I shoved her.

"And you think _I'm_ the dope. Just tell him what's bugging you. It's got to be better than running hot and cold on him."

"I guess." She gave me a small smile. "Worth a try anyway."

"That's the spirit."

***

And the next morning, Dorsey couldn't wipe the smile off her face. Alex watched her with raised eyebrows all during breakfast, but she didn't even notice. She didn't even say anything, which was almost alarming. As soon as he was done I grabbed her plate and shoved it to Alex with a look. He got the hint and left with it.

"Going better, I assume?"

"Flame, he's _amazing_. We're going to take it slow. He's teaching me to be patient."

"Oh my god, he is superman," I said quietly. She laughed delightedly at a comeback that would normally earn me a smack.

"No, he's better. He's Batman!"

"Does that make you Vicki Vale?"

She looked at me, offended, as she got up to find him.

"_No_; cat woman!"

***

Dorsey was minding Ayasha while Alex took the night off. She went to snuggle her in her bed and cried out in surprise. There was a chocolate kiss on her pillow.

"I'll give you one guess who that's from," I said.

"Come on," Alex said, rolling his eyes and pulling me towards the entrance.

"How come you don't leave me sweet little presents like that?" I bugged him.

"Coz I just save your life every five minutes instead," he grinned, hugging me one armed.

"I've been meaning to do this for a while…" he went on, walking up to the forest trail.

"What, go for a walk with me?" I said. He smiled quickly, but it left just as quick.

"I wanted the time to be right," he said, stopping me in the shelter of some trees. He started to say something more, then just closed his mouth and pulled something out of his pocket, pulled my glove off, and put it in my hand. I gazed endlessly at the soft silver shine in the moonlight: it was Edie's ring.

"Where did you find this?" I whispered, "I thought I'd lost it forever!"

"Dorsey grabbed it in the… uh, Dorsey gave it to me when she got back, when she told me what had happened…" He watched me twirling it between thumb and forefinger.

"You know what it means right?" he said finally, almost anxiously.

I nodded. I knew what it meant, him giving me this ring. I knew why Dorsey had given it to him and not just back to me. I looked up at him through narrowed eyes.

"You didn't give it to me right."

He looked back, stunned.

"You're kidding me," he said. But I didn't give an inch, "You're some expert on human culture now? You want a candle lit dinner or something?"

"No, you're supposed to put it on my finger."

"Well, that would be assuming you want it there." He took the ring back gently. I held my hand out and he put it on. I admired its silver glint on my finger for a moment, then untied my pendant and started tying it round his neck.

"Flame, what are you doing?"

His hand stopped mine, eyes troubled.

"I can't take this," he said.

I stared him down, and he let me finish tying it.

"You know what this means to me?" I said amazingly steadily, "It means I will never be apart from the one I love. Now, the only reason you'd have for giving this back to me, would be if you disagreed. Is that what you're trying to tell me?"

He held my gaze, and shook his head.

"Right then," I held out my arm, and we walked on under the stars. I had the feeling Alex would be sticking around for a while. And as usual, I was completely wrong.


	6. Chapter 6 Moving

**Moving**

*******

"River's frozen," Alex said, stomping the snow off his boots. Dorsey looked up in dismay. Blackheath nodded and started to pack. They didn't even wait for breakfast before they left.

"Never have I seen two guys run so fast from what they love most," Henry said ruefully.

Dorsey looked out at the snowy valley silently.

"I suppose we should get going too," I sighed, comparing the speed of the snowmobile to our transport of choice: snowshoes. "Can't keep ignoring work forever." I rubbed her arm on the way past but Dorsey didn't even reply.

Even when we got back to the car, she just sat down and turned the radio on, staring out the window like a mannequin.

"You're pining," I said finally, sick of her silence, especially now that Bhask had fallen asleep.

"Yeah," she sighed.

Woah – she must be out of sorts; she didn't even argue.

"Man, you have got it bad."

"I know," she groaned, turning to look at me. "It's bad enough having Alex married to the job. Why couldn't I have fallen for Kent? Why couldn't Blackheath just keep ignoring me?"

Ooops, that would be partially my fault.

"You don't mean that."

"No, I guess I don't. It's just frustrating. Frustrating as all hell."

I ignored her stabbing at the window seal with her thumb.

We got back into mobile range and my phone pinged. It was Margie. I pulled over swearing quietly.

"What's up?" Bhask said, woken up by the decelerating crunch of tyres on gravel.

"Margie called to let us know the pipes are frozen back home and the house has flooded," I said tiredly. "We can't go home."

"Can't we stay with Margie?" Bhask asked.

"The four of us? She's got eight people there already. We'll have to go to a hotel. Who knows how long it will take to fix-"

Dorsey spun around and gripped my arm.

"Let's go to headquarters!"

"Human headquarters?"

She nodded manically. Bhask and I exchanged doubtful looks.

"Are you crazy? I can't go there. A Soul? Are you totally insane?"

"Come off it, you're Hawkmoth's partner for God's sake. Besides we've had prisoners there before…"

"Prisoners?"

"Well yeah. You're in war, you fight battles, unless everyone dies, you're gonna get prisoners… Not that you'd be a prisoner, though, just that it's not like it's some sacred ground."

"I don't know Dorsey…"

"I'll even blindfold you. It'll be fine."

"I don't know," Bhask said.

"Oh, isn't that cute, he's just like Alex," Dorsey said, glaring at him.

"And this has nothing whatsoever to do with the fact that a certain Blackheath is there too?" I asked.

She laughed delightedly.

"_Come on_ Flame, you can't tell me you don't want to see Alex too."

I chewed by lip a moment.

"Oh stuff it. Let's go."

***

Dorsey drove for the last hour, and I sat blindfolded in the passenger seat, trying not to wonder where we were. Finally she parked and led me along a rough trail while Bhask carried Ayasha.

"What do you think you're doing?" I heard Alex say tersely, and we stopped in the middle of the trail. I could almost hear him frowning. Ok, maybe not Alex. Maybe Hawkmoth.

"Sabotaging headquarters from the inside. What do you think we're doing?" Dorsey said.

"You didn't think to call ahead first?"

"Of course not. I know how much you hate it when we don't listen to you."

Alex made a frustrated sound.

"I know I know; do first, think later. But your Yaya missed you. You can't be ashamed of your family forever, _Hawkmoth_."

I heard her push ahead of him and continue up the trail.

"Um, guys?" I said eventually, "If you're sending me back to the car, I still need someone to show me the way."

Alex sighed.

"Come on, then," he said, defeated. He took my hand and followed Dorsey up the trail.

"Flame 1, Hawkmoth 0," Bhask whispered behind me. I couldn't help grinning.


	7. Chapter 7 Exploring the cage

**Exploring the cage**

*******

"Bhask, you'll show her around?" Alex asked, taking off my blindfold in his cave. It was liberating to be able to see again. I looked around my mate's secret lair greedily.

"You mean, where she can't go." Bhask grumbled.

"Where she can go would be a start." He tickled Yashie's belly. "I've got to go, I'll see you later."

"See ya," I said, kissing him goodbye distractedly. How _did_ they get a piano down here?

Bhask showed me the doctors rooms first, an outpocketing on its own tunnel for quietness.

"I know how much you like hanging around Healing Centres," he said, looking at me reproachfully.

"I'm not that accident prone!" I protested, "Besides, I can't get up to much down here can I? Nothing to crash, nothing to burn…" He didn't look amused and led me next down to a tunnel on the water table, where a freezing underground river brought in fresh water for washing, and gently carried away waste. Finally we ended up in the meals area.

"And that's it. You won't be allowed anywhere else unless you have permission. Don't go trying either coz they get real mad when they find you."

"I take it you know this from personal experience?"

He shrugged, smiling.

"Come on, let's get some food," he said, leading me over to the queue. He piled my tray so high I had to watch it intensely so as not to spill it, and almost bumped into him when he stopped.

"Arg, Bhask, you want to give me some warning before you do that?" But he didn't reply, and I saw him looking defiantly at two men playing checkers at a nearby table.

"What's up?" I whispered.

"Grant and Kurian," he said beneath his breath, looking away, "You want to keep away from those two. I wouldn't trust them with my worst enemy."

They noticed me looking at them and their cold eyes made me shiver. They hadn't been the only unwelcoming eyes today. But then Dorsey had said people weren't especially friendly here.

"What are they doing here?" I said, following Bhask out. He grimaced.

"They got important camps in the South. They're the sort of people you want with you, not against you. Come on, let's eat in our room."

***

Alex's room was comfortable, but not extravagant. There was a double mattress, a single mattress for Bhask, a rug covering what was left of the stone floor, a radio on a small desk, the upright piano, and some boxes of papers. Still, it was roomy enough to be able to stretch out and be comfortable, and the lighting was good enough that you didn't feel entombed. Although, if Bhask hadn't been there, I got the feeling I wouldn't have found it quite so welcoming.

Bhask tried to show me some tunes on the piano, patiently correcting my clumsy fingers for hours, and I could finally string a few notes together recognisably.

"Keep practicing," Alex said from the doorway.

"Well, good evening, magnificent leader. You grace us with your presence?" I asked innocently. He wasn't fooled.

"So how do you like our magnificent fortress?" he said, scooping up Yashie with a smile, throwing her up into the air and catching her.

"Seems pretty teensy tiny to me," I said, pretending to be just as casual about seeing him as he was about me.

"Oh really?" he said, raising his eyebrows. "Is that just you angling for an invitation to the more interesting areas? You bored of your cage already?" But Ayasha gurgled at him and his attention was immediately absorbed back in her. I came and sat next to him with a quiet sigh, and watched him and Yashie adore each other. I had nothing that could compete with that.

"So, is Blackheath working tonight?" Bhask asked, leaving the piano alone and twisting round to face us.

"Why the sudden interest in Blackheath?" he asked, surprised.

"Not Blackheath so much as his new shadow…?" I hinted.

"Oh, you want to know if Dorsey will have any time for us tonight? I'd say no, the teleconference got cancelled so everyone's had an early mark."

Bhask sighed in irritation.

"Hey, it's thanks to that that we get to see Alex for half a second!" I said, nudging him.

"Yeah, but Alex is not half as fun as Dorsey, right?" Alex said, grabbing Yashie's toe and making her giggle with pleasure.

"I don't know, Yashie seems pretty stoked," I said, and he grinned at me. I smiled back a little sadly. I would have been happy with a bit more of both, but I knew that was just being greedy. Besides, Bhask wasn't constantly off with his football friends here, so at least I had more of him. I pulled him off the piano stool and hugged him, watching Alex and Yashie resignedly.


	8. Chapter 8 Doubting

**Doubting**

***

I sat on a gurney in the doctor's rooms, a blanket wrapped round my spent, soaking limbs, trying to remember. My lungs felt stretched, torn, and wet coughing interrupted my concentration randomly. The doctor was making short work of my head wound while Alex held my head still, and Bhask held one of my hands under the blanket. I reached for my neck unthinkingly, then remembered my pendant was gone. Alex saw me reach and went to pull it off his head. I stayed his hand.

"You'll need to stay where I can keep an eye on you for a while" the doctor was saying, "You've got a concussion, and I'll need to check your breathing from the drowning." I nodded carefully. I'd hit my head, I'd slipped and hit my head and fallen into the water…

"But she'll be ok?" Alex asked quietly.

"She'll be fine."

"You should get back to work," I said slowly. He watched me doubtfully.

"You're feeling better?"

"I'm fine," I said, "Really." I held my arms tight to stop them shaking.

"She'll only be resting here," the doctor said, "you won't be missing anything exciting." Sleep! The thought was bliss.

"Ok," Alex said, watching me for a moment more, then leaving.

But Bhask was not convinced.

"You're terrified," he said. I tried to laugh, but my lungs convulsed in protest.

"I'm ok," I said, but I couldn't keep the shake from my voice.

"No, you're not," he persisted, "What happened down there?"

"I don't know." Memories flashed past. The river tunnel. Freezing black water. Blackheath holding my arm, holding me up, keeping me from slipping into the water. And then I was underwater. A picture of him sitting on the rock, watching me. Another of his hand reaching for me… Was I being paranoid? Had he let me go? Had I slipped out of his grasp? Was he really going to just sit and watch me drown? But the memories were pictures and sensations clouded with pain and shadows from the knock on the head. I didn't know what was real.

"Did you slip?" Bhask continued. I started to shake my head, but a stab of pain shot through the medication and I tried to stifle a low gasp of pain. The doctor came over with more No Pain.

"You have to tell Alex," Bhask said quietly.

"The only thing she _has_ to do is rest. She's got a concussion, young man," the doctor said. I lay down as the No Pain quietened my head. Bhask waited til the doctor moved away.

"I'm not sure what happened," I whispered. "What's the point in telling him that?"

"You're too scared to tell him. You're scared he'll get mad at them. _Geez_ Mum!"

"No. I- " I couldn't think straight. Was I? "If I knew for sure, I'd tell him. But… I don't want to accuse someone if they didn't even do anything."

"You're talking about Blackheath!" he hissed, revelation flashing in his eyes. I covered my face in my hands.

"Bhask please!" I whispered, exhausted, "I don't know what happened. Maybe… maybe, he tried to save me. Maybe he didn't try quite hard enough. Maybe I'm just paranoid."

"Maybe you should let your mother recover from a very nasty head wound," the doctor said firmly, coming back. Bhask relented and let himself be ushered out, keeping his eyes on me doubtfully.

"Will you bring Yashie?" I called after him.

"Sure," he said dourly, and was gone.

***

Dorsey brought Ayasha over when I woke next. I must have slept for at least an hour, because my hair was almost dry, but I felt just as exhausted as before.

"I heard about the accident," Dorsey said, propping Ayasha up on my belly. I felt her words trapping me. An accident. It was an accident. Wasn't it? I took Yashie's foot and tapped it gently on the bed.

"I don't remember much of it," I murmured. She hugged me close, careful not to squeeze the baby.

"You're ok now, honey," she murmured. Dorsey could always make me feel better.

"I kind of remember bits and pieces…" I started. She rubbed my back gently.

"I remember slipping, hitting my head, being in the water..." I closed my eyes against the memory. "and I remember Blackheath…"

Dorsey said nothing, listening.

"I, I know he doesn't like me…" I started, but she cupped my cheek in her hand.

"Hey, he tried to save you," she said gently, "They saw him reaching out for you. He can't think you're too bad, hey?" She was dead certain, her faith burning in her eyes.

"Yeah," I whispered, "I guess. I should probably thank him."

"You shouldn't do anything but get better. Yashie missed you."

I managed a smile.

"Missed me? That must be a first. Now if Alex went AWOL…"

"He's AWOL half the time and she doesn't mind. You know why she lights up like that around Alex, don't you?"

I looked at her, puzzled. _Because she adores him_? I thought; surely that was obvious.

"Because you do. Every time, like he's the friggin sun or something. She's like a little mini you," she said, shaking her head and grinning, "You're such a dope." She kissed me and left.

I pulled Ayasha into my arms.

"Hey my little Aya, I'm almost lost you today…" I whispered, pressing my mouth into her shoulder. She laughed at the tickle of my lips. But even her laugh couldn't bring a smile to my eyes.

It didn't make sense that Blackheath would try to kill me. Or let me die, whatever. I didn't doubt he would probably like me out of the way. But he must know Alex would kill him – literally kill him - if anything happened to me on his watch. I wished I could think clearly. But the harder I tried to sort it out the more my mind ached, until sleep drowned my thoughts again.

***

When I woke up, Ayasha wasn't there. I clutched the sheet where she had been and sat up to look for her. Too quick. I couldn't stifle the groan. The doctor came over straight away.

"Hey, take it easy." He examined my head, listened to my lungs trying to breathe at a normal pace. I glanced around surreptitiously and saw her in a cot in the far wall. The doctor must have moved her there when I fell asleep, afraid she'd fall off my gurney. "You feel ok?"

"Fine," I replied quickly, "I just want my baby. Can you bring her over?"

"I think she's alright there. You should be resting."

I waited til he moved away then sat up quietly. The distance to the cot seemed to expand from this perspective. I took a few breaths, steeled myself and swung my legs onto the floor. So far, so good. I pushed off from the bed to walk over to her and the floor promptly leant up and smacked me on the head. Instantly the doctor was by my side.

"That wasn't very smart, was it?"

"That's me: do first, think later," I hissed, feeling the head wound leaking blood down my neck again.

"How about you leave the thinking to me for the moment? Hold this."

I held a bandage to my skull and he helped me back onto my bed. Then he pushed the cot over to me.

"Thank you." I whispered. Ayasha looked at me grumpily, woken up off schedule. I hung over the sides of her cot and rubbed her tummy til she fell asleep again. Lying down, I could still see her through the slats of the cot, and kept my eyes on her til sleep dragged them away.

***

Next thing I knew, the room was empty. Still and silent. I peered through the cot; Ayasha was playing quietly by herself, grabbing for her toes; beyond her, the stripes of room were unchanging in the dim evening lighting. I sat up slowly and looked around. No one. My trembling shifted into high gear.

Anyone could just walk into the doctors rooms. Anyone could walk right in here, and I'd be a sitting duck.

"You're up?" came a voice from the doorway. I jumped, then clasped my head still in my hands, waiting for my heart to stop pounding a mallet inside my skull. It was just the doctor.

"I just went to get some dinner. Is your head hurting?"

"A little."

He fetched the No Pain.

"Can't I go home? I promise I'll rest there." I tried to rub the shivering out of my arms.

"You breathed in a lot of water," he explained gently, "A lot of it has soaked into your body, and it's still inside you. It makes your blood pressure hard to control, and that's bad for your head. Your kidneys are doing their best, but sometimes it gets too much, and starts leaking back into the lungs. You can start drowning again. I need to keep an eye on you here."

"Oh, okay," I replied softly. That would explain why I felt so shit. "I guess, I just don't want to be alone right now."

"That's understandable. You had a nasty scare," he said calmly, as if attempted murder happened every day. Maybe it did here. No, I wasn't paranoid at all. _It was an accident_, I reminded myself, but couldn't start to relax til Bhask and Alex came down with their dinners.

"Told you, she's right here," Bhask was saying.

"Great Leader was panicking because his baby wasn't waiting for him at home," he said to me, rolling his eyes.

"Oh that's nice. I thought you might have come to see me," I said, folding my arms so he wouldn't see them trembling. Alex grinned at me and leaned on the top rail of the cot. Ayasha beamed at him and held out her arms. Bhask laughed and Alex happily swung her into his arms.

"I have never seen two people more in love with each other," Bhask said, faintly disgusted, sitting down next to me. I shook my head carefully, amused.

"I think we should keep her like this forever," Alex murmured, "They're nothing but trouble when they grow up." He shot me a sidelong look. "I'll have to clone Blackheath to keep an eye on you all."

I smiled shortly. So Alex didn't think Blackheath had tried to kill me either. Neither did Dorsey. So why did I have this intense feeling I was not safe? Me particularly, not anyone else. The others finished their dinner, and Alex got up to see to the evening round of work.

"Do you mind if I take her with me?" he asked, "I'm only doing paperwork."

"She's been sleeping all day, she'll drive you mad," I frowned.

"She'll be alright," he said, leaning in to kiss me as he left. I drew my knees up to my chin.

"Are you feeling any better?" Bhask asked quietly. I shrugged, fiddling with the hem of my pants.

"As good as a sharp knock to the head lets you feel."

"Plus a near-drowning," he added, hugging me, "That's scary stuff. It's ok to be scared."

"Dorsey and Alex don't seem particularly concerned."

Bhask watched me for a moment.

"That's because you haven't given them any reason to be," he said. I grimaced.

"If I wasn't safe here, they'd know," I whispered, "it's the most security conscious place I've ever seen."

"Secure for _humans_," Bhask noted, "No one's had a Soul running round loose here, ever. How are you supposed to know how people will react?" I hugged him back and kissed his forehead.

"Well I better go help Alex. Yaya will last about twenty minutes before she starts destroying things."

I caught his arm.

"Can you stay with me tonight?" I whispered.

"Doctor will think I'm disturbing you."

"He doesn't have to know."

Bhask nodded.

"I'll come back later, when he's asleep."

I squeezed his hand in thanks, and settled down to wait.


	9. Chapter 9 Remembering

**Remembering**

*******

The queue for breakfast edged forward slowly, but slowly was the right pace for me. Three days in the doctor's rooms was as much as I could take, and my balance had improved enough that I could walk safely. The feeling of persecution was blunted, but still constantly present, and it kept me on edge.

"Glad to hear you're feeling better," Blackheath said, joining me in the queue. I stiffened slightly. I couldn't remember the last time Blackheath had voluntarily entered into conversation with me. Maybe he was feeling guilty about the accident. Or maybe he was just being nice. I had to lay off of him, he was my sister's mate after all. Sure enough, Dorsey came gliding over and immediately attached herself to his arm.

"Gooood morning," she said. I smiled at her quietly. Was there a reason why everyone was so cheerful this morning? If so, I'd obviously missed it.

Dorsey chatted on as we dumped food on our trays and walked towards a table. Our trajectory took us past Grant and Kurian, and I gazed at them, frowning. Something I was supposed to remember…

And then I _remembered_ them pushing me before I slipped. It was so real a memory that my body jerked in response, trying to keep me upright, and my food plates slipped off the tray and smashed on the rock floor.

My head spun with vivid memories. They had pushed me, and left me. I had gone down to the river tunnel to empty the nappy soaking bucket...

When I entered the tunnel, I froze. Blackheath, Grant, and Kurian were already there. Blackheath glared at me and moved away. As usual. The others snickered between themselves and came closer.

"Careful there,"

"It's real slippery," the other added.

"It'd be just too easy to have an accident."

I edged down to the water, ignoring them.

"Aw but she shouldn't have to worry, not with that wormlover there," they cast a look back at Blackheath. If only they knew, I thought, and knelt down slowly to empty and refill the bucket. As they wandered closer, I hefted the bucket onto the rock and stood up quickly, trying not to look them, trying to control the urge to run. But they walked past without further comment, and I began to relax.

Before I could think, Grant took a step back towards me. He shoved me in the spine and I yelped, arching backwards frantically to keep my balance. My feet skidded out from under me and the back of my head cracked against the rock. It felt like my brain had jerked a foot through my skull and snapped back. Popping colours and shapes lit up my vision like faulty heat seeking goggles. Though pain clamped around my consciousness I could feel myself slip into the water and twisted, throwing my hands onto the slick rock, scrabbling for purchase blindly as my vision spun. I found it – in Blackheath's hand.

He held me, half in and half out of the water, and I clung to him. His hand was the only solid sensation; the freezing water seemed to disappear as I kicked against it, the air rolled with shadows and shades, even the rock itself seemed to shift crazily. His face was just a pale blur dancing back and forth in the darkness.

But then, suddenly my hands held nothing, and I was gasping water into my lungs. The back of my head was speared with fresh cold pain. My hands clawed at water, then air, and I saw Blackheath's form sitting on the rock, watching me. I lost the surface and scrambled madly in liquid nothing, my lungs burning and my vision darkening. Then my hands were slapped at the surface again, and I saw Blackheath's hand reaching for me, his body lying stretched out on the rock behind. But I slipped under the surface again and sucked uselessly on the lifeless fluid that trapped me within. Darkness crept along my limbs.

Numbly, I felt shockwaves as someone else entered the water beside me. Strong hands grabbed me and lifted me into the air. The rock lay against my body and I breathed air and water in turns, coughing up the heavy burning darkness and swapping it bit by bit with sweet sweet air. Something soft pressed painfully against the back of my head. As soon as I could breathe enough to move my muscles I shoved as far away from the water's edge as I could, and sat curled up with the rock wall hard in my back and my knees drawn up protectively in front. I held my aching head in my hands and did nothing but breathe and breathe and breathe.

Eventually the face in front of me came into focus. It was Alex, but his hair was dry; someone else must have saved me. He was pressing cloth to the back of my head. It ached, but I let him.

"You're ok," he was saying, "You're alright." Repetitively, over and over, like he was trying to convince me. I was not yet convinced, and risked nothing but drawing air into my body, my eyes holding his like anchors.

"What happened?" Alex was asking, but the threateningly tone of his voice told me he was not asking me. Eventually, Blackheath answered.

"Those Southern goons gave her a fright," he said slowly, "She slipped and fell into the water."

"She hit her head," another voice said, "she was going down."

"Why didn't you go in after her?" Alex growled, low and tight, and I noticed Blackheath's hair was dry too.

Blackheath looked at him for a long moment and shrugged.

"Can't swim."

Alex looked away.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't-"

"Forget it." Blackheath said and got up to leave.

My arms began to shake.

"She's freezing, we should get her out of here."

"Get some Heal onto that head wound."

"Flame, can you get up?" someone was asking. But Alex just picked me up and took me away.

***

I blinked and the meals room came back into focus. Someone had tried to kill me. If Blackheath hadn't grabbed me, I would have drowned.

"Flame, are you ok?" Dorsey was saying. Blackheath was watching me carefully.

"Yeah, um," I murmured, "I'm fine, I just… I just need to sit down for a minute." Blackheath took my tray and Dorsey led me to an empty table. I sat down in a daze, trying to gather my thoughts.

"Maybe you should go back to the doctor," Dorsey said, rubbing my back.

"No, I... I'm fine."

I had to tell Alex.

I got up and walked out, trying to think where he'd be.

"Flame!" Dorsey called from behind me. I would tell Alex, and he would make them leave, and… I stopped. _Wait_, I thought, _don't just do, think first_.

If I told him, he would want to have them be accountable. Put a human on trial for pushing a Soul. In human headquarters. The others would never support it. I would be forcing him into a situation where he would look like he was choosing Souls over humans. I couldn't do that.

Bhask was right. I wouldn't tell him. I was still a liability.

I looked up to find Blackheath and Dorsey staring at me, worried.

"I think I might go lie down," I murmured.

"Blackheath, can you take her?" Dorsey asked. He nodded. He walked me slowly to a fork in the tunnel. One way led to the doctor's rooms, the other to where we slept.

"Which way?" Blackheath asked softly. I bit my lip. Which would be safer? Bhask and Ayasha were sleeping in, I shouldn't put them at risk. I turned down towards the doctor's rooms.

"Do you mind if I stay here for a bit?" I asked as I sat down on my gurney. "Just feeling a bit dizzy."

"Are you alright?" Blackheath asked quietly. I nodded. The doctor came up and checked my head, my eyes, my hearing again.

"And thanks," I added. Blackheath shrugged.

"No, I mean for the other day. If you hadn't been there, I would have died."

He gave me a long measured stare.

"No problem," he said. Then Alex came in with Dorsey in tow and Blackheath moved away.

"Flame? Are you alright?"

"I'm fine."

Alex looked at the doctor for conformation.

"All fine by my standards," the doctor said, giving us some room. Dorsey rubbed my arm and pulled Blackheath away.

"What's going on?" Alex said quietly.

"I just had a dizzy spell, that's all. I think I just need to rest for a minute. The line up for breakfast was pretty long, I must have been standing up too long or something."

He searched my eyes.

"I don't believe you."

I looked away.

"Well, you should," I replied evenly. Then Bhask came in with Yashie. I hugged her but Alex took her from me and gave her straight back to Bhask.

"Tell me what happened," he said, leaning his fists on the bed on either side of me.

"I told you." I glanced at Bhask, warning him to stay out of this. He jiggled Ayasha nervously, looking between us.

"Why are you lying to me," he said through gritted teeth.

"Alex, I just need to rest. I think, I think I might go home. I don't… I can't relax properly here."

"You want to go?" he said in a low voice. I nodded. "And you won't tell me what happened."

I sighed in quiet exasperation.

"You don't tell her everything, why does she have to tell you?" Bhask muttered.

"Stay out of this," Alex growled.

"I just don't feel safe here. You're working all the time, I don't know anyone, no one speaks to me, Dorsey's always with Blackheath…"

He rested his forehead on mine.

"You were fine this morning. Now you're… afraid. Why won't you tell me what happened."

I clasped my hands around his neck. Why couldn't he just trust that he didn't want to know?

"I don't belong here."

"You belong with me," he replied, "Did someone threaten you?"

I laughed. Yeah, something like that.

"I don't feel safe here, and I know you wouldn't want us to stay somewhere we didn't feel safe." I kissed his forehead. That was as close to the truth as I could get.

He sighed.

"You should get back to your teleconference."

* * *

AN: Sigh :) why is torturing Alex so much fun? I should give the guy a break... should, but realistically, its unlikely, isn't it ;)


	10. Chapter 10 Reconnecting

**Reconnecting**

*******

"So what happened? You remembered something." Bhask asked as he drove. He had led me blindfolded from headquarters, creeping down the track. My balance was worse than I thought without vision, and Bhask carried Ayasha in case I slipped. Finally we had reached the cars and were driving home.

"You won't tell Alex?" I checked.

"How could I tell Alex?"

"I saw Grant and Kurian. They were there in the river tunnel that day. They pushed me. That's why I slipped and hit my head."

"And here we all were thinking you were just a ginormous clutz. But Blackheath was there too: he must have seen them."

"I guess… I'm not sure." He wouldn't have ratted on humans though. Not for a Soul. Not even for me. Maybe especially not for me. I was never sure whether he saw me as Dorsey's sister or Alex's evil influence.

"But if he hadn't been there, I would have drowned. He caught me, he stopped me going under." I was certain of this.

"But when the other's came, you were underwater."

"I guess my hand must have slipped out of his."

He thought about this for a while.

"And you won't tell Alex?" he asked. I shook my head.

"I'm out of it now. It would only stir up trouble."

"Then you can't go back. They'll think they've scared you off, you know?"

I shrugged, walking my fingers up Ayasha's chest to her delight.

"What does that matter? We're safe, life goes on. I don't belong there anyway."

"I don't belong there either."

"Because of me?"

"Because of you, because of me running off to the city during the war, because of being implanted… They think my loyalties are split."

"Well, they are. That makes two of us, hey?"

He smiled a little ruefully.

"I think its better that way," I went on, "We see both sides of the picture. How can you make a good decision otherwise?"

"I know! You'd think people would find us more useful. We can understand where both sides are coming from."

"Yeah, but that also means we don't completely agree with either."

"You've been spending too much time around Alex. You're seeing the negative side of everything."

I smiled and looked out of the window at the blur of trees. There was a lot of negative to see at the moment. Especially with regards to Alex.

I was leaving him. I could understand he'd be confused. It wasn't so long ago I was pleading for him to stay with me, and here I was, leaving him. But this was a different time. We were no longer at war, I knew where he was. Roughly. And I knew he was coming back. I knew he loved me. If I ever doubted it I only had to look at the ring on my finger.

What hadn't changed was that I was still a liability for him, a distraction and a problem, a difficulty he didn't need there. And I sure didn't want to hang around and wait for some other unlucky 'accident'.

In the city I would be safe, useful, and we could both get on with our jobs. Our lives would have to wait.

"You know what you're really good at?" I said thoughtfully. Bhask glanced at me, curious. "The Soul-born kids, humans growing up around Souls. What they like, what they want to do, what their parents are going to freak out about and think their kids are insane…"

"You're right," he said, a slow smile spreading on his face, "That's exactly what I know about. So what job is that?"

"I don't think we have to fill an exact job description right now. You could go to the schools, talk to the kids, talk to the parents, see what problems they are having, what they want to know…"

He nodded, lost in thought.

The horizon ahead of us became pierced with buildings as we drew closer to the city. It was a skyline I had hated when I had been trapped there, but now it meant security. Bhask was similarly pleased to see it.

"Oh yeah!" he shouted joyfully, "Finally! Disposable nappies!"


	11. Chapter 11 Punishing

**Punishing**

*******

I sat at Margie's counter and ignored the children playing tag around us.

"Sounds like you're better off out of there," Margie was saying, handing me a plate to dry up.

"I am," I sighed, "I just, I don't know. I'm starting to feel like I ran away."

"A moose comes charging at you, sometimes the best thing you can do is get away. Sounds to me like it would have been more stupid staying put."

"I guess."

"What's Alex going to do about it?"

"He doesn't know, and you are not going to tell him."

"I get that. I mean, in the long term. What do we do about people like that? Can't just ignore them forever."

Margie's question troubled me. Where did the likes of Grant and Kurian fit in the general scheme of things? There had to be some sort of plan for their place in society, and a line where action could be taken if they crossed it. Like attempted murder, for example. And then I thought of the 15 humans Swaying Petals had brought in – well, Alex, I guess, had sent in. What had happened to them?

Melts Blue Ice told me that they had been sent to the Centre for Adult Implantation.

"A friend of yours is in charge of that project, actually," he added, "Shepherds Sound?"

Shep. I hadn't seen him since he'd visited me in hospital. Even then he seemed to be becoming more anti-human. Maybe Blackheath abandoning him in the desert had shaken his faith in humanity. With a feeling of foreboding, I drove up to the Centre to find out what was going on.

"We tried implanting a few of them – Seekers of course," Shep said, walking me through the complex, "But Hawkmoth was right – these are truly awful people. It was decided it wasn't fair to subject Souls to their memories. So, until we can find a way to wipe their memories and started afresh, they've been stored."

"But... you can wipe their memories," I said, confused, think of Falling Smoke.

"We can block the memories of Soul minds – sometimes – because we have the cooperation of the mind," Shep corrected me, "These, well, they were not cooperative. So they've been stored until further developments are achieved."

"Hang on: stored?"

"Cold storage tanks."

"For humans?"

He nodded.

"It was an idea Falling Smoke was working on actually," he went on, "To preserve hosts like we can preserve Souls. The technology is very similar, basically it just needed to be upscaled and fine tuned to human biological processes."

_Cold storage… for humans…_ I found the notion somehow repellant, but kept listening.

"He didn't think to use it for incarceration purposes, but it will be a perfect solution. Offenders can be stored until a behavioural solution can be found. Our work on wiping memories is progressing slowly, unfortunately, but even if we never achieve that, the possibilities solely in terms of incarceration are very rewarding."

"Souls have decided to incarcerate people then?"

"The decision would have to voted on, of course. The humans involved would have to be in agreement. But, if the humans do still want to incarcerate people, we can do it here. The real punishment is still the time away from family, but it'll be so much easier this way. We can even adjust the storage parametres so that their body continues to age normally. Only physically though. They are completely unconscious, of course.

He sounded convincing, but I wasn't convinced.

"It still seems… wrong, somehow…"

He chuckled.

"Everyone finds it discomforting at first. It's just because it's new. You'll get used to the idea and then you'll appreciate its benefits."

"I don't know, it still seems like you are taking their lives from them."

"Well. Perhaps they gave up the right for those lives with their actions."


	12. Chapter 12 Reaching Out

**Reaching out**

***

"Mum!" Bhask called from the front of the house, "Alex is home!"

"What?" I called back, hurrying closer with Ayasha. Parliament didn't sit again for weeks… But I'd happily take any visit I could get.

"How would you like a little international holiday?" Alex said, coming in with Bhask thrown awkwardly over his shoulder.

"What?" A holiday? Alex? There a glitch in the matrix…

"Why?" I asked suspiciously.

"Maybe a working holiday," he admitted, swapping Bhask for Ayasha and giving me a hug. I knew it was too good to be true.

"Explain."

"There's going to be a conference on Human-Soul relations in Dekhistan." He moved over to the bookshelf.

"Where??"

He pulled out the atlas and opened it to Central Asia. His finger stabbed an area of empty deserts and mountain ranges. Its major cities could be counted on one hand.

"A Human-Soul relations conference. There," I said doubtfully.

"Cool! We have to go!" Bhask said, grinning. Alex slung his arm across his shoulders, and they grinned at me. _Two against one_, I thought, turning away.

"You don't think we're the only people with a Soul problem?" Alex grinned.

"Well, I know we're not the only people with a human problem. But, so far away? Why not start local?"

"We have started local - you didn't hear that, by the way. This is a global conference, there'll be people talking about approaches from everywhere. We can learn as much as we can teach."

"But… The middle of nowhere?"

"The middle of the planet," Alex corrected.

"Really? I would have thought it would have been further south…"

"Actually, there's a lot more land mass in the north than the south. Especially if you consider the Arctic."

"What about the Antarctic?"

"It's uninhabited. It doesn't count."

"Guys! Enough! The planet is spherical!" Bhask yelled. I frowned; I was running out of stalling tactics.

"They don't speak English there do they," I said apprehensively.

"They speak lots of languages there, Arabic, Chinese, Russian, German, English… it's the crossroads of the world."

"Will it be safe?" Bhask asked.

"I'll have my own personal Seeker on duty 24 hours a day," he said looking at me with a sparkle in his eyes.

"Highly motivated…" Bhask added, smiling.

"Never distracted…" Alex grinned.

"Thoroughly obedient…"

"Alright!" I said finally, "I get the picture."

"The humans will have diplomatic status; no one will be allowed to touch us."

"What about here? Who'll take over your work?"

"Blackheath will be in charge when I'm away."

"Blackheath?" I said doubtfully.

"We have laws now. He just needs to make sure they are followed. Anyway, Dorsey will be with him. She likes Souls."

_No_, I thought, _she likes one Soul, her sister_. There was a big difference. It was certainly the first time ever I'd heard him put forward Dorsey as a steadying influence on anyone.

I looked out the window to the human families at play in their yards. It's what I had always wanted for Bhask. And now that I finally had it; Bhask was grown up, Ayasha was too young to enjoy it, and we were flying to another country. Well, at least we were going together.

***

The shuttle was almost full after we stopped at Paris to pick up some passengers, and by the sounds of it, this was most people's first time to the area. Everyone gazed out the windows at the arid mountains cut with ravines and the vast stony deserts. Bhask thought it looked exciting. I thought it looked bleak. Desolate.

The shuttle landed in Balkanabat, whose airbase was a little way out of town but could take the big shuttles. We were to spend the night there before taking a truck to Dekhistan the next day. We dumped our luggage in the tiny motel room and set off to look around. Alex found our way to the markets, and we were surrounded by Souls selling carpets, jewelry, sweets, shoes, spices, fruit. Easily recognizable things higgledy-piggledy with things exotic and things completely unknown.

It was the strangest feeling, seeing Souls go about familiar routines, shopping, laughing with friends, but to have no idea what they were buying or what they were saying. Alex argued in a friendly way with a store tender to buy us some fruit, and I watched as he entered into this world that was impenetrable to me, communicating fluently in another language.

"They're speaking Russian?" I asked when he handed me my unknown fruit.

"No, they're speaking Turkmen. And other things. But the older people speak Russian too."

"Are you going to eat that?" he said, as I looked doubtfully at my fruit.

"What is it?" I asked.

"It's a pomegranate. Very expensive too, you better eat it. Apparently it's out of season, they're growing them in temperature controlled glasshouses or something."

"What does it taste like?" I stalled.

"I don't know, I've only heard of them from stories. _Try _it!" he broke open the leathery skin and flicked out the ruby red berries inside.

"Well?"

"Um… tangy. And kind of sweet too. Weird."

He rolled his eyes.

"It's only weird because it's new. If you'd forget about it being new, you could actually enjoy it."

He led us through the stalls, pointing things out.

"That's a persimmon, that's a quince... I have no idea what that is…"

He was captivated by the strange and beautiful things around him. I found it profoundly unsettling that Alex fit in better here than I did. I had lived on other planets for god's sake. And this was Soul territory still.

Alex found us dinner at a restaurant and then we squeezed back into the hotel room. How could an actual room feel smaller than a cave?

When I came back from my shower, Alex was lying belly down on the bed, Ayasha in his arms. He was singing softly, a haunting lullaby, in what must have been Russian. It sounded unbelievably sad, but his face was lit with quiet joy.

"Mum used to sing that to me. I'd forgotten. I think hearing the language again brought it back."

I slid in alongside him and let the mournful, beautiful song take me away.

* * *

The lullaby Alex sings is this one: youtube dot com forwardslash watch?v=fwEtAwXgeaQ [ok, so its Ukranian. It's still beautiful]


	13. Chapter 13 Journeying

AN: Sorry, I think I got a bit carried away with the research here. Hope its not too boring :)

* * *

**Journeying**

*******

The next morning, we crammed into a truck that was to take us to the conference site and headed into the desert.

We had been driving for hours; everything was covered in the dust of the road. It slithered into our clothes, coated our skin, powdered our hair. I kept Ayasha veiled in a gauzey scarf, but Bhask looked like he'd aged decades: the dust graying his hair and collecting along his wrinkles.

The road was shocking, deeply rutted, more pothole than road. The truck crashed in and out, constantly slamming us against the door or the roof. When Ayasha started to cry it was the last straw. My little girl almost never cried; I knew she was at the end of her tether.

"Stop!" I yelled over the engine noise, "Please, stop the truck!"

"Astanavityes!" Alex called, and it was passed on from mouth to mouth til at last the truck slowed. I burst out and paced up and down under the gathering strength of the sun, trying to calm Ayasha. Alex climbed out and watched me walk back and forth across the stones. I could see Bhask peering though the dusty glass, too surrounded by people to bother trying to get out yet.

"What's wrong?" he asked finally, "Do you feel sick?"

"No," I replied, somehow bothered that he assumed there was something wrong with me when his baby was so obviously distressed. "Ayasha can't take any more of that truck."

"_Ayasha_ can't?"

"Are you deaf?"

"She's just crying. All babies cry."

I had to look away to control my frustration. Did he think I didn't know that? Bhask had cried til he was blue in the face. I got used to that, eventually I realized it was normal for him. But Ayasha was different, and she was really upset.

"Come on, I'll see if I can get them to go a bit slower."

"I'm not getting back on that truck. You go on if you want."

"You can't just stay here. You are not staying here, alone, in the middle of nowhere. Come on, we're holding everyone up."

I look at the bestial truck, crouched pale and blue in its own dust cloud on the road. It didn't look so awful when it was stopped. But Ayasha caught site of it and let loose a fresh wail. I jogged her anxiously. There had to be another way.

The road stretched ahead into the baking desert, bare to the horizon. But behind the truck, some dark blobs were emerging through our dust haze. It was a group of people, leading camels as they walked leisurely beside the road. We must have passed them coming from the city; surely they couldn't just live out here. Bhask squeezed out of his seat and popped out of the truck.

"What's up?"

"Your mother's being difficult," Alex said, fists on his hips and turning away to kick at some rocks.

"Poor Yashie, you don't know what's going on, do you?" Bhask crooned, tickling her gently. Ayasha downscaled her wailing to great gasps of dismay. I smiled at Bhask thankfully. If only Alex would be so helpful rather than just try to ignore the problem.

"Who're they?" Bhask asked, catching sight of the camel people.

I watched mesmerized at the heights of the camels swaying back and forth with their steps, a movement so gracious for an animal so monstrous. Some children separated from the main group and ran up to us, staring in delight, pointing shyly at our clothes and giggling at our hair.

The adults followed soon after, and they were all human. Alex went forward to greet the more guarded men and I found myself surrounded by the women, craning at Ayasha and making baby noises: the same the world over. Ayasha paused to stare at them, entranced, forgetting about the truck.

"Shu-ismik? Kak vas zavut?" the women were asking, and I looked from one to the other, mystified.

"They're asking for her name," Alex called.

"Ayasha," I said shyly, and they looked at each other in delight.

"Ayesha? Ayesha!" they laughed, stroking her head, shaking her hand.

"Ayasha," I tried to correct them, but they were convinced it was Ayesha. Alex listened to them talking while I waited uncomprehending, lost.

"Ayesha is a local name. It means 'she who lives'."

"But her names not Ayesha, its Ayasha-"

"Just, go with it, Flame, ok?"

They were pointing at Bhask, and me, and Ayesha, and Alex was nodding.

"They can see you're a family," Alex translated, "they're very happy that Bhask has not been implanted."

"Never!" I said. Alex passed this on, smiling, and everyone laughed. One of the older children brought me and Bhask over to introduce us to one of their camels, who was decorated with bright weavings. Ayasha reached out and buried her hand in his wool, grabbing it tight.

"Oh, no, that's not yours," I whispered, trying to unwind the long fur from her fingers. But she was captivated by the camel, and he didn't seem to mind her, reaching his long neck round to sniff daintily at her, chewing placidly. His teeth looked fearsome, enormous and stained, but the others were totally relaxed that they were inches from my baby's soft head, and I took their lead. Ayasha certainly wasn't concerned.

"Alex?" I called softly, "Do you think maybe we could do a swap?" He came over and stroked the camel.

"You want a camel now?"

"I mean, could you ask them, if one of them took my place in the truck, could I come with them?"

"And me!" Bhask added quickly, eyes glowing.

"I don't know..." he muttered, frowning.

"Please just ask. They can only say no."

"We only just met them, Flame-"

"Please?"

Alex called the driver over and talked to the others lengthily. Meanwhile the women led me to another camel and showed me one of their babies in a panier on its side. The woven walls broke the sun into tiny flecks that danced over the baby as the camel shifted its weight, and the baby reached for them tranquilly.

"Yazjemal," one of the women said, pointing to herself, then "Moi malsh", pointing to the child. I recognized a word Alex had used.

"Malsha?" I asked, pointing at the child, "That's... that's your baby?" She smiled at me and led me to the other side where there was an empty panier. She gently lifted Ayasha in. Together we watched her settle comfortably into the bedding and explore the weaving with her fingers.

"Dabaite!" Yazjemal said, beckoning me forward and leading the camel on, away from the dust of the road and into the desert. I followed her hesitantly, and the women ushered all the camels forward.

"Looks like we're leaving," Bhask said, running up to me with my day pack.

"Uh, Yazjemal?" I called, nervously pointing at the men, who were still deep in conversation. She laughed and dismissed them with a wave and linked her arm through mine. She said something in Russian, winking, and twisting the first two fingers of one hand together. I took it to mean us women were sticking together. That, or there was some sort of lie involved… Then the men noticed us and shouted in anger. But the women ignored them and kept walking.

"Flame!" Alex was calling urgently, running to catch us up, "It'll take you ages to get there. You won't get there til tomorrow. We won't make it in time!"

"You go on the truck then," I said, squeezing Yazjemal's arm for reassurance, "I'll meet you there." Yazjemal smiled at me complicitly and spoke dismissively to Alex. He stopped following us and stood, undecided, in the desert.

"_Flame_!" he called, frustrated, hands balling into fists. I waved to him, and kept walking.

"Aren't you supposed to be protecting him?" Bhask asked quietly, walking along side me.

"Me? Protect him? Here? I'm the one who needs help: he fits right in. We're not even in Soul territory anymore."

"Maybe he should be protecting us then."

"I think we're ok with Yazjemal."

She smiled at me and began introducing everyone to me as we walked.

The man leading the first, big camel, was Salamguly, her brother. Her son Oguldurdy walked beside him. A niece, or maybe a sister? a girl called Leylinur, led the next camel. It seemed they were all related somehow, and I was soon lost in the complexities of it. There was only so much hand gestures could convey.

Yazjemal's baby was called Alty and every so often she would take him out of the panier for water or to see if he would wee. He wore no pants and she let him just stream into the desert. Unfortunately Ayasha was not so well trained.

The two men who had taken Bhask and my seats in the truck were brothers, Chary, and Biashim. I admired how the words flowed off Yazjemal's tongue: she made them sound beautiful. From my lips they were ugly and broken and the children howled with laughter to hear my dying attempts. Even Salamguly had to look away, smiling.


	14. Chapter 14 Arriving

**Arriving**

*******

The long rays of the sun at dusk stretched over the desert. We were unloading the camels and setting up camp. Ayasha looked pleased to see me and held my cheeks contentedly, gazing around at the camp with a proprietary air. Oguldurdy took the camels away to fill their bellies with browse. The others set up a windbreak, rolled out a carpet to cover the sand, got out bedding and started cooking fires.

I settled down on the edge of the carpet beside the women as they cooked, kneading out flat bread, toasting it on the charcoals, setting vast dishes of rice to steam.

Salamguly sat with Alty between his half outstretched legs, where he stood bopping up and down randomly, one hand on each of Salamguly's knees. Ayasha hadn't had the chance to see many other babies, and she was particularly interested in Alty. She sat in my lap gazing at him evenly. Even when Bhask grabbed her hands and dangled her between his knees, imitating Alty, she'd twist her head so Alty was still in her sight. Yazjemal chuckled and handed me a milky drink. It tasted like it had tonic water in it, and they explained it was a preparation of camels milk. It was an acquired taste, and I passed it onto Bhask.

Everyone ate dinner from the same dish, using the bread to scoop up the steaming greasy rice and the spiced meat lying beneath. The firelight picked up the red and blue dyes of the carpet and its rising sparks echoed the thousand stars spread out above us.

"I wonder if Alex has a bed as good as this?" I murmured, thinking of our cramped room in Balkanabat.

"Yeah, me too," Bhask said softly, and I felt momentarily guilty for having left him on the truck. Then the others were pointing at Bhask and whooping. No, not Bhask, at _Ayasha_. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. She was standing up, all by herself, and chewing on her fists, watching the hoopla this had caused with mild interest, unsure whether to be pleased or scared.

"Aaaargh! You stood up!" Bhask shouted gleefully, cupping her sides and shaking them gently, "First time ever, right?" She smiled at him shyly, looking pleased. He grabbed her and rocked backwards, swinging her over his head.

"You're a genius! You're a geeenius!" he crowed, but when he put her on her own two feet again, she sat down promptly. And no matter how Bhask cajoled, she would just stare at him as if she'd never stood up in her life. Which, five minutes ago, would have been the truth.

"I'm not going mad, she did stand up, right?" he said finally, relenting and letting her sit unmolested.

"She sure did," I murmured, gazing at my amazing child.

"We should have taken a picture, Alex is never going to believe us," Bhask groaned, and my heart knifed with guilt to think he wasn't here.

"You're right; he won't believe us. Let's just not tell him. She probably won't do it again for weeks anyway," I said.

"What's with this keeping things from Alex business?" Bhask asked.

"Maybe I've learnt too much from him."

"You're being mean. Not telling him about this is going too far. She's his daughter too."

"I know. I just hate how he keeps putting his job ahead of her. I know he adores her, but that's not enough, you know? He's going to keep missing things like this, her first steps, her first word…" which at this rate would probably be _where's daddy?_

"And not telling him about it will help that, how?"

"I don't _want_ him to miss these things. But I know he has to work. I guess I just wanted to try and save them up for him. He is going to miss so many of them, I just thought maybe we could save this one for him."

"I guess. She'll probably do it on command for him anyway."

"Then we're agreed?"

"I'm not sure he deserves it, but ok."

"And you think I'm the mean one!"

***

Oguldurdy was already out rounding up the camels when I got up in the pre dawn chill the next morning. The others were packing up, kept an eye out for him more than usual, and I gathered he was taking longer than he should. Finally he arrived back with only half the camels: this would mean a delay and the others were annnoyed.

Yazjemal explained that a strange camel had been hanging around and had split the herd as Oguldurdy and Salamguly mounted saddles on two camels and set off after the rest. Finally all were returned and loaded and we set off across the desert as the sun began to pierce the chill.

But we hadn't been walking for an hour when the strange camel came back, an old bull after our females. Salamguly calmly detached a rifle from his camel and loaded it.

The bull roared brutally, exposing canines thick and yellow with age, and our camels shifted and sidestepped, groaning anxiously in response. Salamguly raised the rifle and sighted it carefully at the bulls head, and the crack of the gunshot echoed out through the empty plains. But the bull looked away at the last moment, and the shot wasn't clean. The gunshot was mixed with the sound of the bull screaming as it charged towards us. Salamguly reloaded a little less calmly and took the second shot as the bull reached the edges of our herd, panicking our camels. At the second shot the bull collapsed, its blood soaked head whipping back as it fell and smacking Yazjemal's camel in the knee. The camel kicked out madly and bolted, galloping awkwardly across the plain. I watched in shock as it rapidly carried my baby off into the desert. But instantly Salamguly had mounted another camel and was in hot pursuit.

"Plamya!" Yazjemal called urgently, and I turned to see her holding Bhask up. He was white and blood was pouring from his arm, where the camel must have caught him with her toes as she kicked. I sprinted over, digging my first aid kit out of my pack. Ogulgurdy ran over too, and laughed when we both pulled a bottle of Heal out of our supplies. Soul medicine had penetrated even here. I poured Heal over the wound, ignoring anything Falling Smoke had ever taught me about wound management, and it stopped bleeding instantly.

"You forgot the Inside Clean," Bhask whispered, still pale, but rallying fast. I opened my mouth to snap back at him, and then realised he was teasing me. Still, I threw in some Inside Clean before the wound completely closed over.

The noise of crying babies told us Salamguly was back with the runaway. I scooped out Ayasha and sat in a heap in the sand, feeling the adrenaline drain away as Ayasha calmed down, pressing her face against my neck and interrupting her sobs with hiccups.

"Alex will be ecstatic to hear about this," Bhask said, coming to sit beside me.

"Does he have to hear about it?" I said. He raised his eyebrows and we smiled mischievously at each other.

"No harm done, after all…"

"Life goes on…"

We laughed. He gave me a hand up and joined Yazjemal, who was waiting for us with her camel.

***

We'd been walking all morning, but we decided not to stop for lunch as we were so close to the conference site. As we walked, Oguldurdy noticed a trail of dust coming towards us. The others shouted out in welcome, and when they were close enough I could see it was Alex and three others, riding stunning horses across the sandy flat.

"You're late!" he shouted happily, jumping off the horse and wrapping me in bear hug. Even after just 24 hours in the desert I had trouble applying the concept of late to our steady progress.

"Where did you get these?" I asked, enraptured, running my hands over the horse's beautiful lines, his coat slick and warm under my hand.

"Chary and Biashim have a friend in the business," Alex replied, indicating the fourth rider, "Gariagdy, moi jenu, Plamya. Flame; Gariagdy."

"Nice to meet you," I said smiling at him, my hands still pressed to his horse.

"Ochen priyatna. Melekush, Plamya. Plamya, Melekush," he replied, a twinkle in his eye, and I realized he was introducing the horse.

"We heard there was a bull camel hanging around, we thought you might have had some trouble," Alex went on. Bhask turned away surreptitiously so the thin shiny scar on his arm was invisible.

"Nothing we couldn't handle," I said, grinning softly, imagining Alex's face if he knew his treasured baby had been for a ride on a runaway camel. Alex gave me a look that said he was onto me.

"I get a feeling I'm missing out on something here," he said, turning to the others. They were engrossed in a Turkmen retelling of the excitement. Alex's Russian silenced them, and Salamguly gave me a quick look before replying. Alex spun around and grabbed my shoulders.

"She stood up?! She stood up?! Oh _man_! I can't believe I missed that!" he groaned, lifting Ayasha out of my arms. I gave a smile of thanks to Salamguly, and he nodded. Bhask was shaking with laughter: I couldn't look at him lest I lose it too.

"Aren't you missing the conference?" I asked finally, smiling into my shoulder.

"Oh _everyone_'s late," Alex replied, "One of the trucks broke down, the rice hasn't arrived yet, a whole plane load of delegates from Japan have been held up by freak snow storms… No, what I really missed was _you_." He rubbed his nose on Ayasha's and she pumped her arms in delight.

"And you," he said, giving me a look that took my breath away.

"Not me?" Bhask asked innocently.

"Oh, _you_! _You_!"

Alex held Ayasha out like she was a fighter jet and chased him across the plain, dodging back and forth around the low dry bushes. Yazjemal laughed, and let me know she thought they were insane. When Alex finally caught Bhask he hefted him under one arm and hauled him back, sitting Yashie on his shoulders and holding her there.

"Oh Great Leader of the Free World, everyone thinks you're completely insane," I called out to him, grinning, leaning on Melekush.

"Well, looks like my work here is done then," he replied, dumping Bhask at my feet. The camels started to move off and I went to take Ayasha back, but Alex kept hold of her while he listened to Gariagdy say something.

"Gariagdy wants to know if you want to ride an Akhalteke the rest of the way," Alex translated.

"Me? Ride?" I glanced at Gariagdy, at the superb Melekush, and then saw Yazjemal waiting for me. I gave Melekush a regretful pat and went to join her.

"Maybe another time."

"Oh! Can I?" Bhask said, eyes wide with excitement and hope.

"Have you ever been on a horse before?" Alex asked doubtfully, but Gariagdy was laughing and motioning him to mount. Alex laughed.

"He says if you can stay on, you can ride him to Dekhistan," Alex translated shortly.

"I have the feeling that was a rough translation," I said, taking Ayasha as Alex gave Bhask a boost onto the horse. Alex's sparkling eyes told me all I needed to know. I had a strange feeling of déjà vu as I watched Bhask clinging to the galloping horse, riding off madly into the desert, as he caught up with the others.

"So, do you think we'll ever see him again?" I asked as I handed Yashie back to Alex.

"No, I sold him to the child slave trade. So, you going to stand up for Daddy?" Ayasha sat down heavily as soon he put her feet on the stony ground and grinned at him proudly. He sighed.

"How's that military training thing coming?" I teased, "she's quite the dutiful soldier so far." He picked her up and walked after the others.

"What can I say, she takes after you."


	15. Chapter 15 Exploring

**Exploring**

*******

The conference site could be seen from miles away. Alone amongst the low dunes, a pale stone tower reached upwards; a severed minaret. We seemed to be walking towards it for hours, watching it rise millimetre by millimetre from the desert sands. Then slowly, the other structures of an ancient ruined city rose around it.

"What is this place?" I asked, marveling at the forms around us.

"Dekhistan," Alex said, with the foreknowledge of having spent the night there. "They built it 10 centuries ago, but it's been abandoned for the past six or so. It was a major city in a land called Vehrkana, the land of wolves, I guess because of all the bandits that made their living around here."

"Bandits? Stealing what? It's the middle of nowhere."

"And the middle of everywhere. All the east-west trade went through here, silks, spices, gems, ivory, furs… The camel trains would come in from the desert to this amazing oasis city. Most of it is beneath us, actually," he said, kicking at the dirt, "buried over time by the desert. The shahs built fortress walls with watch towers around the citadel, and at the foot of the walls were gardens, bazaars, parks, caravanserais, crops, cattle-"

"Hang on, gardens, cattle here? They'd starve if they didn't die of thirst first."

"That's the really amazing part: they had this incredible system of irrigation system stretching under the desert all the way to the Atrek, the river at the base of the mountains."

"What mountains?" I said, looking around and the desert plain surrounding us on all sides.

"The ones we flew over, remember?"

"They were miles away!"

"Well, they were the closest water. Actually they've restored the irrigation system for the conference, so you can have more than a dust bath." _Glorious_! I thought, dreaming of hot water finally washing the desert off my skin.

"Maybe the return of the water will get things growing again. There must still be seeds all through this desert," Alex mused, looking out over the desolation. I could that in his mind's eye the flowers and trees were regrowing, the walls rebuilding, the palaces rising from the sands.

"No seed's going to survive 10 centuries," I said, and watched him deflate as his vision was instantly replaced with dusty ruins in a stony wasteland.

A hodge podge of tents and yurts of all the shapes and sizes of the differing tribes were set up around the ruins. Some of the stone rooms in the ruins themselves had been covered for use as accommodation, but Alex had preferred the open tents, with Chary and Biashim. Bhask had already been and left, dumping his pack in the middle of the tent. He was ensconced with a group who spoke his language: football. The others were unloading the camels and taking them off to browse. We dumped our packs too and step off to explore.

The conference was being held before a great ruined archway, seats set up between the stone bases of long dead columns. I stood before it, craning my neck to take it all in. It dwarfed the podium set up before it. It's gorgeous blue tilework set into the golden stone glowed in the afternoon sun.

"Why build something so amazing then abandon it? How could such a great city be reduced to… nothing? What happened here?"

"Invading armies, war, drought, deforestation, collapse, ruin… same ol' same ol'. Nothing lasts." Alex walked on, and I followed, my eyes lingering on the arch.

"How could anyone destroy something so beautiful?"

"Because it wasn't theirs?" he guessed, "I don't know. That's war isn't it? He who destroys the most wins. 'Kill one man, and you are a murderer. Kill millions of men, and you are a king'."

The sentiment made my stomach twist.

"Didn't Stalin say much the same thing?" I said quietly, "Rulers should not have to kill their subjects to govern their kingdom."

"These weren't rulers, they were invaders. An invader has to make his mark one way or the other."

I was reminded uncomfortably that the Souls were only the latest invasion. Alex looked out over the desert.

"Funny though: the Romanov emperors right from Peter the Great, Timur, Genghis Khan, even back to Alexander the Great, they've all been through here. But there's not much to show for it, really, is there."

"They came here to make war. You build cities like this during peace time."

"Ah, but you build them with the spoils of war. And you can't have peace til your enemies are defeated."

I frowned at him, but he was looking at the ruins, not at me.

"You talk about war like it's inevitable," I said uneasily, "It's not like that everywhere. On Soul planets, it's peaceful."

"Like on the Fire World? It's only peaceful once you've destroyed what's already there."

His words hurt. We both had bad memories of that time. He was being cruel to bring it up. It wasn't even a valid point, it was not the Souls that were destroying things there, it was the Rebels.

"Souls don't want to destroy… not like this."

"But aren't they destroying human civilisation just as well?"

"I don't know," I frowned. He was beginning to seriously confuse me, "Aren't they just trying to take the good and leave the bad?"

"What, like loving your partner but not worrying about them when they run off into the desert with nomads? Can you do that?"

I rolled my eyes. He put his arm around me and kissed my head.

"Look at this," he said, leading me along a walkway of ruined archways up to an ancient domed building, decorated in interweaving patterns and Arabic calligraphy. I edged around the stony mounds of destruction lapping at its walls, fascinated.

"You can't tell me Souls are making anything like this," he said.

"Why did humans make this?" I asked. Alex shrugged.

"Well, it's a mosque, so I suppose for religion."

I had done the full circle and stood again in front of the dark entrance.

"Explain to me about this religious thing," I asked.

"Oh boy…" Alex muttered, "What about it?"

"Well, it's supposed to make you a better person right? But everyone's always fighting wars over it. That doesn't make sense."

"Humans believe in someone more powerful than themselves that determines what's right and what's wrong. Sometimes one god, sometimes many."

"Can't they just trust themselves?"

"These are humans we are talking about. This way, no one can argue about it. Plus, you can have godly rewards and punishments for doing the right or wrong thing. That's very motivating. Anyway, so you worship this god, and he tells you how to live a good life. But then, people start disagreeing about the way you worship. They start arguing, and because the right way to live is at stake, not to mention divine rewards and punishments, they get into wars about it."

"I'm not sure I follow."

He grimaced, rubbing his head.

"It's nothing to do with logic. It's all about faith. What you believe in."

This was another one of those human emotions I had difficulty with. Maybe it wasn't so strange that they kept getting into wars when they had all these strong emotions to deal with.

"Faith… like trust?" Trust I could understand, and by its contradiction, betrayal. I had had to trust the delegates at the congress in the desert, and Kelly had betrayed that trust. But applying that emotion to a whole system of thought – this I had difficulty with.

"Sort of. Souls don't really have religion, do they?"

"Souls care about the right way to live, does that count? And they want everyone else to live a good life too."

"We'd call them missionaries. Or evangelists. Except they don't really give you any choice."

"So you choose religion?"

"Ah, sort of. Look, I'm really not the person to talk to about this. You should talk to a priest, an imam, whatever: they study these things. Come on, you must be starving."

We made our way to the meals area, met some of the other delegates, then returned to our tents, bidding our Turkmen neighbours goodnight.

I lay down heavily, groaning in happiness to be horizontal, feeling my muscles sing after so much walking. Alex lay down beside me.

"You are a worry, you know," he said, holding me close and resting his lips in the angle of my neck.

"What have I done now?"

"I have to force you to try a pomegranate, but you don't think twice about walking into the desert with people you've never met."

I grinned in the darkness, sliding my hands between his.

"Sorry. Opportunity I had to take."

"I was kind of hoping we were a team here. Maybe we could discuss these things together before we decide, next time?"

I laughed.

"You think _too_ much, you bloody Russian. Trust your heart sometimes."


	16. Chapter 16 Living Together

**Living Together**

*******

The Human-Soul relations conference had been divided into two sections, living together and living apart. Today the delegates were discussing living apart. Other places had allocated land to create Soul-free zones, where humans could live as they wished. Many of the humans in the audience were supportive, but Alex was shaking his head.

"Separation. It won't work," he said to me quietly, "How can people understand each other if they never even meet? Separation will just lead to them and us, stereotypes, misunderstandings…"

"You can't have the same approach for everyone though, either," I reasoned, "You'll never make everyone agree."

He fell silent, frowning.

I went back to look at the mosque after the first day of talks, admiring its carved beauty in the evening light, and wandering about the conviction that inspired its creation. Yazjemal found me there and took my hand, pointing out patterns within patterns in the stonework. I caught at a word she said.

"Imam? That's like a priest, right?"

She talked enthusiastically, but I understood nothing.

"Could I talk to the imam? Oh, how do you say that… atakallum? No, geplemek? Imam?" I had no idea if I had the right word, but Yazjemal seemed pleased and led me back to the tents, calling out in advance. A elderly man in a flowing robe ducked out of a tent and listened to her.

"My name is Imam Sultanov," he said, extending his hand to me. I was so surprised to hear English I was lost for words.

"Oh, hello, pleased to meet you," I said nervously, shaking his hand," You're really an imam? I've never met an imam before."

"I am."

"Of course. Um, I can't believe you speak English, it's wonderful… uh, I was just admiring the mosque over there-"

"Let us go."

He led the way back to the ancient building, and explained about its form, pointing out the mihrab inside, translating the calligraphy scrolling around its entrance, revealing the meanings of the symbols of the stonework.

"I had no idea about all these symbols," I said, shaking my head in amazement, "You have opened my eyes."

"But that ring is a godly symbol," he said, pointing to my ring. "You have been married, in the human way. That ring is a symbol of the sanctity of marriage in the sight of God."

"Uhhh… this ring? It was my mother's ring. We didn't have any ceremony or anything… no one else was around. Alex doesn't wear a ring…"

The imam looked concerned. I bit my lip. Was I being offensive?

"Do you love this man?"

"Yes," I answered, stunned that this elderly man was asking me such a question.

"And you plan to stay with him, bear his children?"

"Well, I'd like to stay with him. And I guess, we've already started on the children bit… we have a daughter."

"But you do not wish the world to know that you are his and he is yours?"

"Uh, sure I would, but it's sort of complicated."

"You love him, he loves you. How is that complicated?"

I struggled to explain.

"He has to work where I can't go… we can't live together all the time. It is not like a marriage in that sense. We couldn't do a big public ceremony..."

"You do not need to have all of that. You can have _nikah misyar_."

Yazjemal repeated this excitedly. The imam talked to her for a while, I gathered he was explaining what we had been talking about.

"The ceremony is very simple. You agree to be married."

"That's it?"

"You must say it three times, before God, before me and before witnesses."

""That does sound easy… but… I don't have… uh… faith…

"Do you have faith in the love of this man? In the properness of your marriage?"

"Well, yes."

"That is all you need."

I must have looked concerned, because he patted my knee.

"There is nothing for you to worry about. If God wills it, it will come. It is in his hands."

I breathed out in relief that he wasn't insisting on marrying us then and there, and smiled at him in thanks.

***

Alex was talking the next day during the Living Together session. He outlined the Human Voice Project, the congress, moratorium, then went into more detail about the treaty, code of conduct, using examples of living in mixed cities from Margie's group. People were impressed, but some, both humans and Souls, were still skeptical. I didn't blame them; most of us were still pretty skeptical too.

"Have these changes actually made a difference for the humans?" someone up the back asked, the answer translated into English.

"What has been accomplished, I think, is a means of communication between the two groups, so that relations, living conditions, lives, can be improved. But I would like to let my son Bhaskar answer that."

Bhask looked at me in surprise and stood up slowly, waiting for the microphone.

"Well, I'd say it's different," he said, "I don't have to hide anymore. I don't have to worry about being taken, mistaken for a wild human. Mum doesn't have to watch me constantly in case there's an accident with the Seekers. Souls understand a bit more about us. If I get angry they don't think I'm going to start killing everyone. I can be really happy without anyone thinking I'm insane."

He paused, and a murmur of conversation rippled through the delegates. Hands raised for the next question, but Bhask went on.

"But it's only a start. Souls think, because they know a little now, that they know all about us. But they still expect us to act like a Soul. I don't expect them to act like a human. They should be able to be themselves. _Everyone_ should be able to do that."

A few people clapped, but there were more questions to get through.

"You say that a means of communication was a useful step. But wasn't it the improved communication between human groups that allowed them to organize and better attack Souls?"

_Ouch_, I thought, but Alex didn't look fazed.

"Perhaps the humans would not have felt the need to attack had better communication will the Souls been achieved earlier," he replied.

"Humans living side by side with Souls," another Soul asked, "There will always be the risk of unacceptable violence. How can this be addressed?"

I smiled to think of being with Alex, and how completely the opposite of 'risky' this felt to me. Alex thought for a moment, and another delegate signaled for the microphone.

"I could talk about rules and enforcement, but what it comes down to is this. Acceptable and unacceptable risk. Like, for example, in Australia, they have venomous, deadly, snakes. If you go there, there is a risk you will be bitten by a venomous snake and die. It may be a small risk, but it's there nonetheless. To some people, the risk is not worth the benefits of going there. To those people, I say, just don't go."

Some of the Souls were offended, but I smiled at him. It was a risk I was willing to take for the tremendous rewards I'd otherwise never experience. If I hadn't had Bhask, I never would have understood at all about humans. If I didn't risk living with Alex, despite the other humans, I'd be safer, but wretched. I knew from experience. I couldn't imagine living without them. For that, we couldn't expect the humans to have to do all the compromising.

***

After the talks, I relaxed in the tent, leaving the thought of packing for later. Tomorrow we would be on the journey home. Bhask would be playing football til dinner and I could finally get Alex to myself for a bit. Well, almost myself. Alex lay beside me, sitting Ayasha on his stomach, his thighs her backrest. I didn't mind sharing with Yashie.

It was the last night of the conference, and it sounded like people were celebrating. Through the thin tent walls, beating drums, instruments like strange violins, and flutes whined and clashed.

"Do you feel that?" I said, as the ground seemed to shiver beneath me. Alex looked at me frowning. The shiver grew into an audible rumble.

"What is going on?" I said, sticking my head out of the tent and seeing Salamguly and the other men racing Akhaltekes through the desert towards us, long red cloth banners streaming out behind them. Gariagdy's horse reached us first and stopped in a spray of dust and gravel as he shouted in triumphed. The women and children were following behind with the musicians, dancing in spinning circles and dragging goats that bleated and bucked and added to the general cacophony. Delegates were gathering from far and wide to see what all the fuss was about.

Yazjemal grabbed my hand and pulled me out, dusting flour on me and then parading me through the crowd like some kind of prize.

"Yazjemal, what's going on?" I asked, trying to brush off the flour, hoping she'd understand just by my tone. Yazjemal caught my other hand and chided me for brushing the flour, and then I followed her meekly. Gariagdy was ushering Alex forward too, though he was fully occupied trying to keep Ayasha away from the hands of the women who were trying to cajole her from him. Finally I saw the imam coming towards us.

"I know you only wanted a little _nikah misyar_ , but Yazjemal felt your marriage should be celebrated."

"Flame, _what_ have you been up to?" Alex said in a very quiet voice, staring around tensely.

"I have no idea," I whispered, "I was just talking to him about religion, symbols, ceremonies…"

"And marriage, apparently?"

"Well, yeah, but-" What _had_ I said? Yazjemal shouted out a short speech to the assembled throng, and they cheered loudly through the translations whispered from ear to ear.

"Apparently, we're getting married tonight," Alex said a little faintly, finally letting Yazjemal take Ayasha from him.

"Oh," I said, biting my lip.

"Have you changed your mind?" the imam asked.

"Uh…"

"Do you not wish to live with him, as his mate?"

"Uh… sure, I want to be with him…"

"You are sure?"

"Yes." I took his hands in mine.

"You want to be his wife?"

"Yes." The crowd erupted in cheers and hoots.

"Flame, what are you getting us into?"

"Alexandr, do you accept this woman as your wife?"

Alex was silent for a moment, thinking desperately.

"He is not sure? I thought you said this man loved you?"

I looked at Alex anxiously.

"Perhaps there is another he likes better? Perhaps there is another man to marry Plamya today?" the imam called out to the crowd. Translations raced in all directions. Salamguly was laughing, but younger men pushed forward eagerly, held back by an understandable wariness of Alex, who was glowering at them. I stared at Alex in dismay. Still he said nothing. Yazjemal scolded him mercilessly.

"She has already born two children, one, a son!" the imam cajoled, as if selling a carpet. Gariagdy came forward and took my hand firmly. I looked at him in panic, but there was a twinkle in his eye.

"No!" Alex said, grabbing my hand away from him. Everyone was laughing uproariously.

"Why do you do this to me, Flame?" he asked softly, kissing my hand.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, "I didn't know…"

"Don't be sorry," he said, kissing my lips. The crowd howled.

"Perhaps he has decided?" the imam asked.

"Yes," Alex said.

"You do accept this woman as your wife?"

"Yes!" he repeated, annoyed.

"You are sure this time?"

"Yes!" Alex shouted, and then all the crowd were dancing and the musicians playing madly.

"What are they going to make us do?" Alex had to shout in my ear for me to hear.

"I think… I think that was it," I shouted back, "we were just supposed to agree to be married. And now we are." Gariagdy was holding his hand out in peace, smiling, and sounded like he was apologizing to Alex, though not terribly sincerely. Alex grabbed him in a hug and shouted at him, shaking his head and grinning back.

"Hey, you're supposed to have married me, not him!" I yelled, pulling him back. He lifted me off my feet and onto his shoulder, then snatched Ayasha from Yazjemal and put her on the other. Ayasha looked up at me in surprise above the sea of heads.

"Moi jenu y moi malsha!" Alex shouted, the crowd cheered in response.

"Put me down, you neanderthal!" I laughed, and he let me slide down the length of his body. He kissed me intently and the crowd was drawing us forward to the meals area.

"Mum! Alex!" Bhask was shoving through the crowd towards us. "What's going on?"

Alex grinned at me.

"Nothing we couldn't handle," he said.

"Oh man!" Bhask groaned, "what did I miss?!"

"Oh, not much, just our wedding," I said, hugging him to my non-Alex side.

"What?" Bhask yelled, "You're kidding me." He looked at our glowing faces. "Oh _man_! You guys are _so mean_!"


	17. Chapter 17 Coming Apart

**Coming Apart**

***

I watched the lights of Paris grow through the shuttle window. We were landing to drop off some passengers, then we would be on the last leg home. Alex squeezed my hand beside me and I smiled happily at him. Bhask was trying to teach Yashie to hold her breath, and she was failing miserably, and instead kept trying to catch his lips. He shook her off and continued relentlessly.

As the shuttle pulled into the airport, everyone turned their mobiles on, the ping-pinging of incoming messages echoing through the cabin. Alex listened to his, with half an ear at first, then increasingly seriously. Then he started swearing, grabbing our bags and pushing into the aisle.

"Get off the plane. Get off the plane now!" he ordered. I grabbed Ayasha from Bhask and he grabbed the remaining bags. We hustled off the plane in Alex's wake.

"Alex? What's going on?"

"The humans are rebelling… oh here, just listen." He gave me the phone. It was a message from Melts Blue Ice, sounding strained. I listened while trying to keep up with Alex who was striding into the terminal.

The humans were depopulating the southern cities. They had hit a central core of cities simultaneously, all on the same day. No warning. Those who didn't resist were deimplanted. Those who did resist were shot. Humans included. They were shooting Seekers on sight.

"I need to find a radio. I need to find a fucking radio!" Alex was shouting.

"Look young," I hissed to Bhask, as I gave him the phone and caught up with Alex.

"Alex, you need to calm down," I said quietly.

"Flame, did you hear a word he said? They are friggin killing people over there!"

"You don't have diplomatic status here. There is no moratorium here," I continued over the top of him. He paused a moment, still breathing hard, noticing the Souls around him, staring and hurrying away. They must think he was my prisoner. He wiped his hands over his face.

"Right," he said more calmly, though his jaw was taught.

"Come here," I said, holding Yash in the crook of my elbow and grabbing his wrists.

"What the hell did you do that for?" he gasped, staring at his now handcuffed hands.

"Just making people feel more at ease. I'm a Seeker, you're a human…" Alex still looked like he couldn't believe what I'd just done.

"Call Melts Blue Ice back," I went on urgently, "he'll have contacts here we can go through."

Bhask, baseball cap on backwards, handed him the phone and Alex walked away a few steps, dialing and waiting impatiently for Melts Blue Ice to pick up.

Melts Blue Ice gave him the address of a friend, Rémy, who could look after us, and promised to call ahead. We left the address with the baggage people and caught the first taxi we could find.

Alex drummed his fingers on the arm rest as the taxi pulled through the traffic.

"You can't go back," he said finally. I turned to look at him, eyebrows raised.

"I'm going back," I said firmly.

"They are shooting Seekers on sight, Flame," he said through gritted teeth.

"They're only in the South-"

"They're only starting in the South. What makes you think they'll be satisfied with that?" He stared at me stony faced, but I resisted. I knew by now that face was sometimes only him wanting to look determined.

"I can't just stay here! I won't!" I said, too loudly. Bhask shot me a warning look from the front seat. I quietened my tone. "I don't even speak French! Send me further North." Alex shook his head and looked out the window so I could only see his tight jaw. His wrists twisted and strained instinctively against the cuffs and I fought the urge to make him stop.

"He doesn't say who's doing this," Bhask said, "Someone must be organizing it."

"I know who's doing it," Ale murmured grimly, "Blackheath."

"What?!"

"He knows everyone I know. And that's everyone. He has access to all communications, all resources, he's in charge of headquarters. I should've known he'd try something like this. He's never been happy with mixing. He _wants_ freakin reservations, he _wants_ apartheid-"

Blackheath. In many ways it made sense, he had the opportunity, the motivation. But he and Alex had worked together for so long. Alex had needed him to dispel any lurking doubts that he was partial to the Souls. Seeing me with Alex's daughter would have put a lot of people offside. Would people turn to Blackheath now?

_And now Dorsey was with him_, I remembered with growing horror. Ayasha started to grizzle and I bounced her gently, preoccupied. Had Dorsey tried to stop him? Had he hurt her? Cast her out? Locked her up?

Or did she agree with him? I remembered her shooting the deer in the snow, killing as calmly as if it were second nature. _No, not Dorsey_, I thought. She wouldn't go along with this. But if she didn't…

"You don't think Dorsey…" I started uneasily.

"No, she wouldn't think," Alex said immediately, bitter, "She would've just decided she had to be with him, that's as much thought as would have gone on there."

"_Madame, nous sommes arrivées_," the driver interrupted crisply, pulling up in front of a three storey terrace house.

I knocked at the door and an elderly Soul opened it and ushered us in.

"Welcome," he said, "I am Rémy. You are safe here; I've sent away anyone who is… sensitive of humans."

"Thank you so much," I replied with relief, undoing Alex's handcuffs, so he could shake hands properly, "sorry to put you to so much bother. We will try to keep out of your way."

"_N'importe quoi_. You are in the business of saving souls, of both kinds. So am I. Now, Melts Blue Ice said you might need a radio?" He led us into a room with a large piece of radio equipment centre stage on a dark wood table.

"You're amazing! This is perfect! Where on earth did you get it?"

"I have a friend who adores antique technologies. He will be delighted that it is being made alive again."

Alex was already powering it up, and Rémy joined him. Another Soul showed us upstairs to where we would be sleeping, and Bhask and I dumped our bags. Bhask ran back downstairs while I changed Ayasha.

"Mum, come on: he's starting!" I heard Bhask call. I bundled Yashie up and joined him on the staircase, listening.

"This is Hawkmoth," we heard Alex say. I imagined the fuzzy signal reaching around the world and stopping our humans in their tracks, wherever they were.

"The depopulation of Soul cities in the South means the ceasefire will be broken. The treaty and the moratorium will be thrown out."

"He's lying," I gasped.

"Sh," Bhask said.

"The Seekers will hunt us once more. Do we want to return to that?"

"That's not true! The humans may break their word, but the Souls will never break theirs!"

"Mum, the humans don't know that."

"He's deceiving them, he's _purposefully _deceiving them!"

"Mum! Shut up! He knows what he's doing!"

"Murder is a crime under anyone's law," Alex was saying, "There are rules even in war. We must stop the offensive in the South. I call for replies from those opposed to the Southern offensive."

I somehow doubted that murder was a crime in Blackheath's book. I knew Hawkmoth had killed too, but Hawkmoth had used violence as a strategy, only as much as was necessary to achieve an end to it in the longer term. And the longer term goal was humans and Souls living together, sharing the planet fairly. Blackheath's goal was quite different, and he was prepared to do whatever it took for as long as it took to do it. He wanted the Souls gone.

The radio crackled and we crept closer, looking at it expectantly.

"This is Blackheath," came the voice.

Our glances darted around each other. Blackheath: what was he trying to do? Alex picked up the transmitter slowly.

"This is Hawkmoth, receiving you Blackheath."

"The Souls are always wanting us to compromise. We compromised. We get the south, they get the north."

Alex stared at the ground, furious, trying to control his temper.

"You have contravened the ceasefire. You've used force, you're making fucking unilateral decisions-"

"We voted. The people spoke. The South doesn't want Souls."

Alex was silent a few seconds, thinking.

"If the people don't want Souls they do not have to live with them."

"I'm so glad you agree with us." Blackheath's coolly ironic tone sent chills down my spine.

"But they do not have to kill them and endanger human lives doing so. Soul-free zones are being created in other places. Peacefully. I say we do the same. I say let the people vote again, and this time give them a proper choice." Though we stared at the radio for several minutes, there was no reply.

So that was that. Alex had offered him a peaceful solution, and Blackheath had ignored it. Now there was no option but to make him back down. As much as I hated the idea of fighting, I knew it was the only way to make Blackheath stop.

"Please, you must be exhausted. I'll have some dinner sent to your room," Rémy said.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize the time, we have kept you up," I said apologetically. We had taken over his life.

"Not at all, I have been listening to history in action. This is an honour."

***

I lay in bed listening to Alex pace back and forth. He had been on the phone to Melts Blue Ice all night.

"You have to have some kind of central point. You can't run the country by committee during a war, you have to be able to coordinate, make decisions, quickly."

"You have to open the Seeker weapons stores. I want an army on the ground, ready to go, when I land. They'll need weapons, rations, water, tents…"

"You _cannot_ just resist passively. They _will_ mow you down. If you do not attack, we will have to defend you. He won't stop til someone makes him."

Though what I heard was one sided, I could imagine the other side of the conversation. Poor Melts Blue Ice would be desperately trying to resolve this the Soul way. Alex knew Blackheath would not respond to entreaties, offers of negotiations. Blackheath needed a physical message to get him to sit up and take notice. I fell asleep before he got off the phone, and woke as he got into bed beside me, trying not to wake me. He kissed my shoulder.

"Go back to sleep," he whispered. He sounded exhausted, but his body stayed tense alongside mine.

"Ok, out with it," I said finally, turning to look at him, "No, don't tell me to go to sleep. I'm awake. You're awake. What's going on."

He stayed silent.

"We're on the same side this time, you're allowed to tell me."

"It's not that. I've done everything I can from here. I'll fly back tomorrow morning. I just… I just feel trapped."

I knew his hatred of feeling trapped.

"Do you want to go for a walk? It's still early, there won't be many people around…" I imagined walking through the streets of Paris hand-in-hand…

"No," he rubbed his face slowly, "I don't want to fight him, Flame. I never wanted this. That's why we have a Treaty, to stop shit like this. I can't believe he'd throw all that away."

"He doesn't want what you want. He _hates_ the Souls."

"I know. He can't stay, Flame. He'll never give up."

I knew what Alex wasn't saying. When he got back, there was a large possibility he would have to hunt Blackheath down and kill him. I hugged him tight, squeezing away that train of thought.

"Don't think," I whispered, "just do."


	18. Chapter 18 Staying Behind

**Staying behind**

*******

The airport streamed with Souls. Many were refugees who had flown away from Blackheath's offensive. Almost no one was going back in the other direction. Except Bhask and Alex.

"You'll stay here?" Alex was asking me. "I won't be able to, to _think_ if I don't know you two are safe." He searched my eyes. "You will stay here?"

I tried to give him a reassuring smile and nodded glumly. He hugged me tight. I watched their plane take off then booked places for Ayasha and I on the following flight. Well, I hadn't lied: I had stayed there. For at least a minute.

***

Airforce Seeker jets flanked the plane as it came in for landing. Blackheath had control of several southern airbases, and it could only be a matter of time before he was airborne.

The airport was jammed with people leaving. I caught a lone cab through the dark empty streets in the opposite direction, to Melts Blue Ice's house.

He opened the door with one hand, the other holding the phone to his head, and just stood there, stunned.

"Is Alex here?" I whispered. He shook his head and moved so I could get in. I pushed past him and dumped my stuff in my old room. It was too late for visitors, even by Melts Blue Ice's standards, and the house was empty, the windows already covered for the curfew. Finally he got off the phone, came down and hugged me.

"What are doing here?" he said, frowning, holding my shoulders.

"I had to come," I replied, unpacking, "Diane and Cara?"

"I sent them North. Alex thinks you're in Paris."

"I was, but I couldn't just sit there, not knowing what was going on…" I shot him a pleading look.

"He started South as soon as he landed, taking the first lot of soldiers," Melts Blue Ice sighed, getting used to the idea of me being there.

So Alex was gone already. It was happening so quickly. In the history books it always seemed there was a long lead up for war, time to recruit armies, build up supplies, allies, weapons… but maybe that was all in retrospect. Blackheath had probably been doing that for months.

"You can't tell him I'm here," I said firmly.

"You want me to lie to him?"

"No, just… he won't ask if he doesn't have reason to. Just don't give him a reason to. Tell him I'm fine, you've had a message from me… that's not actually a lie."

Melts Blue Ice looked at me doubtfully.

"You remind me so much of Falling Smoke it's frightening," he muttered.

"I_ can't_ just sit in Paris wondering what's going on." Been there, done that, never want to do it again.

"What are you going to do?" he asked.

"I don't know." I held Yashie's hand and wiggled it gently, wondering.

"Don't worry about it tonight," Melts Blue Ice said, squeezing my shoulder, "Get some sleep. I'll see you in the morning."

***

"Ok, ground rules," Melts Blue Ice said at breakfast. I tried to look obedient.

"If you go out of the house, people will see you, Alex will find out. I'm not saying you shouldn't, I'm just saying I'm not responsible."

"Fine." I agreed.

"Second. Alex will be talking to me everyday. If you make any kind of background noise, if you tell me to tell him something, if Ayasha cries, he will hear, and you're back to Paris on the next flight out."

"No problem."

Melts Blue Ice considered me.

"You may want to invest in some tape."

"Why?"

"So you don't accidentally say anything."

"Come on, I'm not Dorsey."

He raised his finger.

"Third: where's Dorsey?"

I stared at him blankly.

"I have no idea."

"With Blackheath?"

"I guess so."

I hated to admit it, but it would be the mostly likely scenario.

"You don't think you have a potential bias there?"

I frowned at him, pulling Ayasha higher up onto my lap.

"Blackheath was Alex's partner, isn't that a bias for him?"

"Alex doesn't like Blackheath anymore. Fine, forget it. But you're not going to go looking for her?"

"I can't. If I got anywhere close Blackheath'd shoot me."

"Ok. So, keeping in mind that you can't leave the house, you can't use the radio, and you can't talk to anyone, _what are you going to do_?"

This was indeed the question.

"There has to be something I can do," I said, clearing off the breakfast table. "What's this?" I picked up one of a stack of papers. Melts Blue Ice look tired, but then started to smile.

"Margie's people have been taking it shifts writing down all the radio communications. I just don't have time to go through it all. If you could take out the really important ones for me, summarise the rest in a few lines…?"

I smiled back at him, triumphant.

"It's a deal."

***

I looked up from the paperwork as Melts Blue Ice poked his head in the doorway.

"Flame, Alex is going to give me an update in a few minutes," he said.

I grabbed Ayasha and put her in a room as far away from Melts Blue Ice's office as I could find, shutting all the doors I could along the way.

_It's only for a minute_, I told myself guiltily.

Melts Blue Ice was sitting at his desk waiting for the link-up. As I sat down opposite him, he pushed a roll of masking tape towards me. _Ha ha_, I mouthed. Then I heard Alex's voice and was still.

"Sorry Melts Blue Ice, we haven't got video link-up here. We might not, actually, ever get it by the looks… anyway, we'll go on without it?"

"Go ahead, Hawkmoth."

"Alright. We've deployed down to area 6. We were aiming to get to the target before Blackheath's troops, but we didn't make it." He sighed. "They were already in the city. We decided we couldn't just sit by while they slaughtered people, so we went in. That made for a lot of hand to hand combat. As it stands we've secured an HQ and about a quarter of the city, Blackheath controls another third and the rest is chaos."

"That doesn't sound good," Melts Blue Ice murmured.

"It's actually better than it sounds. Our troops are green but they're learning fast and they have the advantage of surprise. Blackheath didn't think we'd hit so quickly. That's thanks to your organising skills, by the way." I wondered when my Alex had become this amazing military commander. I guess I'd missed it when he'd had the chance to practice in the last war. Hearing Hawkmoth always gave me the shivers. It was Alex, but at the same time, it was someone completely different.

"More to your quick thinking. I'd say, but anyway. What next?"

"When can you have the next lot of troops ready?"

"Another few days-"

"We need them now, Melts Blue Ice."

"You'll get them as soon as possible. How are you for supplies?"

"Fine. We'll be fine for another week at least."

"Medical supplies?"

"We're roaring through them but we brought stacks. We're definitely better equipped than Blackheath at the moment. I'd better go. We'll be here another day at least, with any luck we'll clear the city tomorrow and secure it tomorrow night."

"You've heard there've been no new offensives otherwise?"

"Yes, that's great. Hopefully we're forcing him to rethink. It'll give us a bit of breathing space."

"Alright I'll let you go. You look after yourself."

"Will do."

And he was gone. I sat back and breathed, still riding the high of hearing his voice. Safe. For the moment. I stared at Melts Blue Ice, and he watched me sadly.

"I can't believe it's come to this," he said desolately, "People are dying over this."

I put my hands over his, but there was nothing to say.


	19. Chapter 19 Coming Together

**Coming together**

*******

"You're neglecting that baby," Melts Blue Ice said. I looked up in surprise. I'd been at Melts Blue Ice's for less than a week, buried in paperwork or listening like a ghost to Alex's reports. Melts Blue Ice worked from home when he needed the privacy, otherwise he was at his office in town. Tonight he was back especially late, and his face looked drained.

"I'm joking," he said. I frowned. It wasn't like Melts Blue Ice to make jokes like that. He must be tired.

"I suppose she thinks she's neglected though," he said, picking her up and sitting her on his knee.

"Yeah, she doesn't have four people carrying her around everywhere. Poor thing."

Melts Blue Ice's phone went off and he handed Ayasha back to me, tense. It was too late for a routine call. I took her into my bedroom and played with her until he finished.

"I've got to go," he said shortly. I didn't ask why; I knew he would tell me if he could. But the way he avoided my glance made me uneasy. I paced a well worn track down the corridor and back, talking to Ayasha, waiting for him to come back.

I heard his car pull up and listened to see if he was alone. There were two voices, so I started for my room, making myself invisible. Then I recognized the second voice.

Dorsey.

I ran for the door and held her close as soon as she was inside. _Dorsey_. Something inside me unwound with relief to know that she was safe. After staring at her puzzled for a moment, Yashie grabbed her hair gleefully, recognising her favourite substitute mother. Dorsey's body was shaking in my arms.

"Hey, you're crying?" I whispered, "You're alright now. You're safe here. Are you ok? Did he hurt you?"

"_No_!" she smiled through her tears. "He'd rather cut off his hand than hurt me. Oh God!"

A fresh lot of tears shook her. I led the way into my room. She sat on my bed and put her head in her heads. I put Yashie on the floor and hugged her again. Melts Blue Ice lingered in the doorway.

"Dorsey has exchanged some information about Blackheath for her security here," he said gravely. I looked at him in shock. "I thought you'd like her to stay with us."

I managed to nod and he gave a small grim smile.

"I'll get the trundle bed," he said, and let us be.

"Dorsey?" I whispered, "What did you tell them?"

"Oh nothing scandalous," she replied softly, wiping her face, "You don't have to look so shocked. Hawkmoth has taken at least three cities that we won't get back." The word 'we' cut me deep. Such a tiny word, and put my sister further from me than I'd ever felt in my life. "There was talk of filling up planes with fertilizer and fuel and using them as flying bombs. You know, if we can't have them, no one can."

I couldn't say anything. My blood frozen in my veins to think of the devastation.

"Well, it was the last straw, Flame. I mean that's just vicious, isn't it?" She took a shaky breath. "So I left him, and I gave that info to these guys so they wouldn't lock me up."

I rubbed her back, torn. Maybe she wasn't on their side. Maybe she wasn't on sides, just… just with the person she loved. I knew how that felt.

"Not that they'd probably actually do it. I mean, when it comes down do it, whose going to volunteer to fly the things?" she added, flashing me a faltering smile.

"Did you see Alex?" I asked softly.

Her face crumpled, but she held it together.

"No," she whispered, "I… I didn't want to see him. I came straight here."

She leant down and picked up Yashie.

"I knew I could trust the Souls not to be too angry," she said softly.

"You're right there, Alex would've bitten your head off before he'd thank you."

She put her hand to her face, and I knew she was crying again. I took Yashie from her softly and put her back on the floor so I could hold Dorsey properly.

"I know you must think he's evil…" she whispered.

"Well, it has been more than a month hasn't it?" I said, deadpan. It took her a minute to get it, and then I won another sad smile.

"Well, over a month," she admitted, "but I have sort of left him…" _Sort of_? I thought with a sinking feeling, _only sort of?_

"He's really not a monster," she said softly, glancing at me. "He's just doing what he thinks is right. He knew he had this chance while Alex was away. He didn't know if he'd ever get another one…"

"You don't have to tell me this."

"No, it's ok. It's just he'd look at Ayasha, kids, you know, and I know he was thinking about the future. What did he want for his kids…"

"You're not pregnant!"

"No!" she laughed with a strange shudder. "I'm not that stupid. What do you take me for, having a kid in a war zone? Oh, sorry." She bent down and tickled Ayasha in apology.

"Well, she is useful for getting him to come back to me," I murmured, thinking back to that miserable time.

"Feeling a bit abandoned are we?" Dorsey said, returning my hug.

I frowned twisting my ring round my finger.

"I just miss him, that's all."

"Right with you there, honey." We looked at the tears in each other's eyes and grinned.

"What a pair we are. Melts Blue Ice is going to go spare!"


	20. Chapter 20 Disconnecting

**Disconnecting**

*******

I sat opposite Melts Blue Ice in his office, watching him, waiting for Alex's link-up.

"Are you going to tell Alex Dorsey's here?" I asked him finally, chewing on my lip.

"Not unless he asks," Melts Blue Ice sighed. I watched him some more, but Alex still didn't call in.

"Why not?" I said finally.

"To keep the peace," he said exasperated, "and because if he asks to talk to her, she's sure to say something about you."

"Good point."

The silence stretched as we waited, and I opened my mouth to say something else.

"Just be quiet!" Melts Blue Ice hissed. "Alex will be-"

"Hello?" Alex voice came through, "Are you reading me now?"

"Yes, and I've got visual too, Hawkmoth."

I flinched in fright, inspecting the wall behind Melts Blue Ice for any sign of me. He ignored me patiently. Of course, that's why he had me sitting on this side of the desk. He'd already thought of that.

"You've secured area 3?"

"Yes." Alex's voice sounded completely drained, "It's a ghost town."

"But-"

"Those supporting Blackheath left with him in their retreat."

"And… and the others?"

Alex was silent for a long time.

"We found them at the playing fields," he said finally, his voice sounding as if it came from a distance. "We'll need a forensic team down here."

"They're all-"

"Dead. They're all dead. Just… just piled into one mass grave."

"Oh God."

Melts Blue Ice and I stared at each other, unable to put words to our horror. Alex continued through his report, but I heard nothing, my mind stuck on an image of a newly dug soccer field deserted under a pale blue sky.

"He's gone now," Melts Blue Ice said, putting his hand on mine. I had to blink a few times before I understood him.

"I ,uh… I should get to work," he said, busying himself packing his briefcase. My legs carried me out of the room and I sat at the breakfast table, tracing the patterns in its dark grained wood over and over silently. I heard the front door slam, and Dorsey bring Ayasha from the back room.

"Gone to work?" she said, and I nodded, taking Yashie and trying to pull myself together. Dorsey picked at her breakfast moodily. She was calmer in the light of day, but still shaken by her decision to leave Blackheath.

"I can't understand why he won't take Alex's alternative. He's basically handing him what he wants on a plate," she muttered, her thoughts, as always, on Blackheath.

"Without the fighting," I noted.

"Exactly."

I shrugged. "Maybe people can see they are making progress this way. Maybe they don't trust Alex anymore." _Maybe being married to a Soul made you useless as a human leader in their eyes._

"It just seems insane to me," Dorsey said, her jaw tense, "I just couldn't be part of that anymore."

"I don't know how you could be a part of it the first place," I said softly. She looked at me, upset.

"I was never a part of it," she whispered, and her eyes were so hurt I wished I could take it back.

"He wanted to keep me out of it. But… when he moved to the South I insisted on coming too. And then I found out what he was going to do… he expected me to leave him. But I couldn't. I just…" she sighed. I put my hand on hers. I knew what it was like to have your mate fighting when you begged him not to. Blackheath had at least let her choose. Alex had hogtied me and left. But then, I suppose I didn't give him much choice…

"There was always _something_. He'd come back and rubble had fallen on his shoulder, or he'd been shot… there was always a human or a Seeker that would fight back. I just couldn't leave him."

"Is it true that they're just killing anyone who resists?"

She looked at the table unhappily.

"He had nowhere to put prisoners, no one to look after them…we didn't have enough supplies for us, let alone…"

"He could have just let them go, sent them north-"

"These were the ones that fought back. They would have just been attacking him the next day. There's not that many of them. They had to get what they could, while they could."

"But the Souls…"

"I know," she whispered, curling her arms around her knees. Her face was haunted, and I knew she wanted to get something out. I waited, dreading it.

"They ran out of cold storage tanks, Flame," she said so softly I almost couldn't hear her. "They were just taking them out and leaving them on the ground, to die."

"You… you saw that?"

She shook her head, her voice broken. "I overheard them telling Blackheath. Some of the surgeons were refusing to work. Many of the hosts were just empty shells… I couldn't talk to him for days after that."

_Such a terrible waste of life_, I thought, my chest tight with pain.

"You told Melts Blue Ice this?" I asked eventually. She shook her head.

"I couldn't," she said, biting her lip. But her words kept coming, "They… they started asking the Souls whether their hosts had faded or not, and they just shot the empty ones. They called it putting the bodies to rest. They thought it was some kind of justice… Unless they were Healers. Some of the Healers they kept."

"You need to tell Melts Blue Ice," I said softly.

"It doesn't matter now," she said, pressing the palms of her hands to her eyes, "They haven't taken anything new since Alex got back. They won't have anymore Souls now. It's too late."

We sat in silence, haunted by her words, til Ayasha crawled into a chair leg and hit her head. She sat down at looked at me, devastated.

"I love it that that's the worst thing that happens in her day," Dorsey said softly, scooping up the little warm body and kissing it better.

***

I woke up to hear Dorsey weeping through the darkness. I reached out towards her and she grabbed my hand.

"Flame, what am I going to do?" she said brokenly, "I can't, I _can't_ go back there, and I can't do anything here… and…." She buried her head in her pillow, "…_and I love him_," she hissed, her tears breaking up her words. I rubbed the back of her hand with my thumb.

_Hope that Alex wins quickly_, I thought, but said nothing. For her, Alex winning would mean Blackheath's death. Nothing less would stop him. Dorsey would be brokenhearted, but I knew she wouldn't get in Alex's way. She loved Blackheath, but it was not enough.

And it wasn't only Dorsey that Blackheath had lost. With Alex's peaceful alternative, Blackheath was losing support from the people too. Some were joining Alex, and some were just withdrawing from the fight altogether. I couldn't help but think of it as a good sign.


	21. Chapter 21 Waiting

**Waiting**

*******

It was cramped in my little room with two beds, and it made getting changed in the mornings especially crowded.

"What's this?" I said, grabbing Dorsey's t-shirt sleeve and pulling it up. There was a tattoo of a tiny black cat on her shoulder. There had definitely been nothing there last time I saw her.

"Blackheath gave it to me," Dorsey said, eyeing it with a mixture of sadness and affection.

"What do you mean, he gave it to you?" I said suspiciously.

"He did it."

I frowned at her.

"Doesn't getting tattoos hurt?"

"Yeah… no, it's not like that," she said, catching sight of my repulsed expression, "I wanted a tattoo, he offered to do it for me." I did not look convinced. "Oh, you're just anti tattoo."

"I thought you said he'd cut his hand off before he hurt you. And I'm not anti tattoo."

"I don't see you getting any."

"I just wouldn't know what to have," I said defensively. How had this become about me?

"You're just expressing yourself, saying something about yourself."

"Doesn't just plain me say everything about myself?"

"You could get a little moth or something…"

"Oh God no, not Hawkmoth," I shuddered. "But if I did get a tattoo, I'd get it done properly, with No Pain and… I don't understand how you could just sit there and let him hurt you."

"Better him than a total stranger, surely?"

"I don't know…"

"Look…" her forehead creased in concentration, "having babies hurts, doesn't it? But it's worth it, because you're making something you really want." I knew what she meant there. In some ways, I felt I had that taken away from me with Ayasha.

"Well, that's part of the process isn't it? It hurts, but it's worth it. I wanted to share this with him. I _wanted_ it to be something we did together."

I didn't want to understand, but part of me did.

"I still think you're weird," I grumbled.

"Well, there was never any doubt about that, was there?"

***

"How're those troops coming?" Alex's voice was firm today, and I took heart from his strength.

"Another lot will be down your way tomorrow."

"That's it?"

"For now, yes."

I recognized Alex's intensely frustrated sound.

"We've got two entire cities half full of people and we don't have enough people to defend them."

"You cannot expect Souls to fight, Alex. It's like expecting humans not to retaliate."

"Humans can do that, you know."

"All right, bad example. Seekers will fight with you, if you let them use their methods. The rest of us…"

"Would prefer to die?"

Melts Blue Ice sighed.

"Because that's what's happening down here, if we don't keep Blackheath on the back foot. You're really telling me they'd prefer to die than fight for their future?"

"It's a decision for each individual to make. I know they'd prefer any other option than to fight. Get them cooking, cleaning, healing, organizing, running messages, _anything_ else but actually fighting."

"Alright, fine."

"Ah, the sort of stuff Bhaskar is doing," Melts Blue Ice said, after I had prompted him with several looks.

"What?" Alex replied after a stunned silence.

"Flame's just been asking after him, that's all," Melts Blue Ice said lamely, sweat beading on his brow. I frowned at him fiercely.

"Yeah. Ok. Tell her he's fine? Now, what have you heard about Area 4?"

Melts Blue Ice glared at me, but I was someplace else, lost in daydreams of healthy sons.

***

Dorsey and I sat in front of the television, watching the same footage being replayed for the fifth time that day. We watched side by side in silence. We wanted the same thing – no casualties - but different victors. It made commentary difficult. We would have both been happy with a truce, but there seemed to be no suggestion of that.

"You know what the worst part of war is?" Dorsey exploded suddenly, "The boredom. The sitting at home and waiting. I hate it! I hate it, I hate it, I hate it!"

I had a pile of communications on my lap and was sorting them into two more piles of useful and not.

"You'd rather go down and join Alex?" I replied, reading through a report of a truck accident and trying to decide if was worth bothering Melts Blue Ice about.

"Frankly yes. But he wouldn't trust me."

"Can you blame him?"

"No, I wouldn't trust me either," she sighed, then grunted in frustration, "Yashie: do something interesting!"

Yashie stared at her, then slowly held out one of Cara's blocks.

Dorsey took it and sat down on the floor next to her, pouting.

"What did you do in the civil war, mum?" she said in a high fake voice, "Oh I played blocks!"

Yashie smiled at her encouragingly and gave her another block.


	22. Chapter 22 Catching up

**Catching up**

***

Melts Blue Ice opened the door to his office and waved to me. Alex time. Dorsey went to look after Ayasha in the back room.

"What is going on with these "glider-bombs"?" Melts Blue Ice was saying as I snuck up to the doorway to listen.

"He's got pilots somehow, he must have trained them, I guess. He's got crop planes towing gliders loaded with explosive. Apparently there's a remote control on the glider, and the pilot ditches it on our people – sometimes. If they scatter; he doesn't. If they stay put – sometimes he does. People are freaking out whenever they hear a plane. It's driving everyone mental."

"I can send the Seeker planes down-"

"That will be great when we know there's an attack, but for otherwise, what we need is something to jam the signal, so they can't release. Henry's sending you a list of what might work."

"Excellent."

"If we can put a stop this latest trick, he's not going to have many cards left. We're finally outnumbering him on the ground… We could be on the home stretch."

"Thank God for that. Fingers crossed. I'll see to that list of Henry's first thing."

As soon as the link-up was down, I ran over and hugged Melts Blue Ice.

"We're not there yet Flame," he said tiredly, rubbing his forehead.

"We're on our way though," I said softly, grinning, "Blackheath can't hold out forever."

Melts Blue Ice looked at me grimly.

"And what then?"

***

"You bitch!" Dorsey shouted furiously from the back room. I could hear her storming down the corridor.

"You have some explaining do to, buster," she yelled.

"Me?" I called back, meeting her halfway at the breakfast table.

"Oh yeah," she said, dumping a magazine in front of me and opening to a double spread of photos, "What the hell is this!"

It was photos from the conference, and included one of me and Alex. The caption read: "The progressive atmosphere of the conference was exemplified in this wedding between human and Soul…"

"Oh, that! I forgot about that…"

"You _forgot_??"

"It was kind of last minute... really, really, last minute actually" I told her what had happened.

"Well that explains the clothes," she said, calming down, "Poor Alex."

"Poor Alex? What about me? I was about to me married off to a desert nomad I couldn't even communicate with!"

"Poor Alex, because you didn't give him any time to think. You know how he loves to think through things. He had that bloody ring for months before he finally gave it to you. Here, he had no idea what he was agreeing to."

"He was agreeing to being with me! You wouldn't think that would need too much thinking about. He's been willing to risk his life for me before, you wouldn't think this would be so hard in comparison."

She shoved my shoulder good-naturedly and laughed.

"You have no idea about guys and marriage then, do you?"

***

"Camden was a whitewash. We've got him on the run, now" Alex was saying.

"Keep the pressure on him, I want this over with," Melts Blue Ice said grimly.

"That's the most aggressive I've ever heard you get, Melts Blue Ice," Alex said, sounding amused but too tired to laugh, "But we need to be careful now. Corner a wild animal and you'll force them to do something stupid."

"Well I'll leave it up to you, just let me know what you need."

I pushed a piece of paper forward silently.

"Oh, and how's Bhask? Flame is asking about him again." There was a pause, and Alex's voice sounded guarded.

"Tell her… tell her, he's fine."

Dorsey and I watched the television report together. There was no aerial footage. The airspace was not safe anymore since Blackheath had taken to the skies in stolen planes. The news presenters read out accounts from correspondents on the ground in Camden and accompanied them with still photos. We watched side by side in silence.

Alex's troops had deployed in front of the city walls, trying to engage with Blackheath in the open, away from the civilians. Their lines looked painfully thin stretched around the walls, like Blackhath would punch a hole in them anywhere he tried.

But then the Souls came out of the city, hundreds and hundreds of silver eyes filing behind the humans, swelling their ranks threefold. Blackheath's men would not know they were only there to resist passively. They wouldn't understand that. They would have thought they had finally been pushed too far, and were going to fight. Faced with such uneven odds, it seemed Blackheath's troops were having second thoughts about what they were prepared to die for. Blackheath's armies began to heamorrhage deserters. But it seemed he was fighting to the bitter end.

Tears were falling silently down Dorsey's cheeks. I reached out to squeeze her hand.

"I have to go back," she whispered, "I can't just leave him like this. Everyone's turning on him."

I knew she needed to be with him at the end. I knew I couldn't ask her to stay.

"I have to go soon or I'll never find him," she muttered, wiping her eyes. Meeting my anguished expression, she smiled sadly. "No time like the present, hey?"

She picked up Yashie and held her close.

"Tell Melts Blue Ice thanks for me?"

I nodded. I wondered how I would ever find her again.


	23. Chapter 23 Homecoming

**Homecoming**

*******

I had thought Alex would pursue Blackheath until he killed him. I knew he thought there could be no peace until he did this. So I was surprised to hear from the television that Hawkmoth was leaving the pursuit of Blackheath to the Seekers, and was returning to the parliament.

"He's coming back!" I shouted to Melts Blue Ice as I heard him open the front door.

"He's already back," Melts Blue Ice called back, and I was running for the front door. But there was just Melts Blue Ice, alone.

"Where is he?"

"He's at the Healing Centre – he's fine," he said hastily, "he was accompanying some wounded soldiers."

"I'm going down there."

"I'll drive you down."

I must have asked Melts Blue Ice five more times if he was sure Alex was ok. It seemed too much to hope for that he would get through the whole war completely unscathed. Even Ayasha picked up on my mood and began to fret. Finally Melts Blue Ice handed me his phone.

"Call him and ask for yourself," he said, his voice edging on exasperation. We were almost there but I called him anyway.

"Alex!"

"You're supposed to be in Paris!" he said tersely.

"Yeah I was; now I'm not. You're ok? You're really ok?"

"I'm fine," he said quietly, "How's Ayasha?"

"She's fine, she's with me now, we're almost at the Healing Centre-"

"I'll meet you out the front."

"Well?" Melts Blue Ice asked as I stared at the phone, puzzled.

"He hung up on me," I murmured. Why had he done that? It was as if he didn't want to speak to me, as if he was hiding something...

"Well, we're almost there anyway," Melts Blue Ice replied, pulling into the carpark.

I grabbed Ayasha and ran for the entrance. Alex met me at the doors and held me tight.

"I can't believe you didn't listen to me!" he said, "How long have you been here? Oh, _Yashie_, you're getting big!" He took Ayasha out of my arms and pressed her to his chest, closing his eyes against her head.

"You don't seem very happy to see us," I teased, trying to get a smile out of him. I couldn't stop smiling.

"I'm very happy to see you," he said seriously, but he looked grim.

"What's going on?" I asked, my smile faltering finally. Something was wrong.

He led me inside.

"I caught up with Blackheath," he said softly.

"Blackheath?! Oh my god… Did you… did you…" I couldn't bring myself to say kill him. He shook his head.

"I let him go."

I stooped in the corridor, and he pulled me on.

"You let him go."

He nodded.

"Alex, I don't understand."

"You will." He led me to into a patient's room and took me to the bed. I looked at him uncomprehendingly and then finally looked at the patient.

It was Bhask. I felt my grip on the world slip.

"He's unconscious. They're preparing surgery for him now."

"Surgery?" I stroked his face softly, numbly. Bhask was hurt. Not Alex. Bhask.

"He was shot. The wound has become infected. Gangrenous." _Gangrenous_? How on earth did that happen? That was a disease from centuries ago…

The nurses came in to take him to surgery and Alex guided me to a chair in the empty room.

"He was shot," I whispered.

"He was involved in a battle a few weeks ago." _A few weeks ago_?

"He wasn't supposed to be anywhere near the front line. But the frontline changed, and… we couldn't find him afterwards. We found the bodies of the others, but he had… disappeared."

"You didn't tell me."

"What was I supposed to tell you? That I'd lost Bhaskar?" he said angrily. But I knew he was angry at himself.

"It turned out Blackheath had taken him."

"Taken him."

"Saved him. He would have died."

Blackheath had saved my son…?

"But there were low on supplies. They were always low on supplies. They couldn't get the infection under control.

"We'd tracked down where he was hiding out. When we got there, they had only just left; we could still see their jeeps half way to the horizon. But we went inside first to check if anyone was left behind. And we found Bhask."

"They left him behind?"

"They knew we were coming. He had food and water in case we got held up. They'd looked after him. I could have gone after Blackheath. I could have caught him. But I let him go. I brought Bhask back here..."

"Why?" I asked, "He's my son. He's your son. Why would he try and save him?"

Alex was quiet for a moment.

"He's also Dorsey's nephew. She thinks of him like a son. She loves him. I think… maybe he was afraid of what she would think if he didn't save him.

_Dorsey_… how he must love her to save his enemies for her. I ached to know where she was.

We waited in silence until the surgeon came in. We looked at him fearfully, half hoping, half dreading.

"He's ok," the surgeon said, "his leg has been very damaged by the gunshot and the infection. It will take time to get function back. But I think, in time, he will walk again."

We could breathe again.


	24. Chapter 24 Letting Live

**Letting Live**

*******

The late afternoon heat wilted even the trees as we walked in the park near our house. It was cooler in the shade by the river, but the hiss of the darkly flowing water put me on edge, so we walked in the pale orange light over the playing fields. We walked every afternoon, at first just around the block, but as Bhask's leg strengthened, we took to walking down to the park.

At first I hadn't asked what had happened with Blackheath, just being happy to have Bhask back and healing. But as the days passed my curiosity grew. And today I had finally asked him about it.

"We'd lost contact with a surveillance area," Bhask began, his eyes lost in thought, "It was within the city wall, it should have been fine, but Alex sent me down to find out what was going on. And turned out it was under attack; Blackheath was already through the wall. They were just after supplies, it was only a raid really. They hadn't taken a new city in ages and it's only with new cities that they could get supplies. So it was as serious as a real attack for them. And I just ran straight into it. I turned to try and run away, and my arm, my leg… I was lucky though; lots of others died. I kind of lost it for a while, the pain or the shock or something I guess, and then I saw Blackheath crouching over me. I thought he was going to shoot me, but he was just staring at me, like, furious or something. I don't know, I was pretty messed up. But then he picked me up and I passed out. Next thing I know I'm on a mattress in a sort of a hut. It's really quiet. Someone's had a go at healing my arm, but my leg… well. It'd stopped bleeding at least. He'd taken me back to his place, like his own personal hut. And I'm thinking by rights I should be dead. I couldn't figure it out." He walked on, lost in memories, til I brought him back again.

"He looked after you himself?"

"At first, there was a girl from the clinic. Madison. She'd been injured when they were taking over the cities, so they hadn't sent her back with the others. She'd had to hang around while she was healing and then she stayed, looking after me. Blackheath was around a fair bit: Alex had him pretty hemmed in by then, there weren't many places he could still go. I think they were just attacking things to cover for their retreat. I just stayed quiet whenever he was around. But I couldn't figure out what he wanted from me, and then my leg was getting worse, and I guess I must have had a fever pretty constantly by then, and I just yelled at him one day, like, what was he going to do with me? If he was saving me up for some public execution or something I said he should just kill me now. I probably shouldn't have tempted him," Bhask said sheepishly, noticing my horror stricken look, "But I was just so sick of waiting around, not knowing what was going on, and my leg…" he rubbed it instinctively. I sat down in the grass and let Yashie crawl around. Bhask sat down beside me.

"He should have got you proper medical attention. You could have died."

"He gave me the best they had. It's just, they didn't have much. Alex hit them too quick see, and they hadn't been able to get as many cities as they'd planned, distribute the supplies. Kinda funny isn't it? Alex being so efficient making it that much harder for Blackheath to keep me alive?

"It wouldn't have been so bad, but one day Kurian came up to the hut when Blackheath wasn't there. He was after Maddy, of course, but no one would dare try anything when Blackheath was around. Kurian thought I was asleep, and he was trying to touch her and… well, I had to stop him. She was terrified and was just sort of, standing there, stiff. I got up and whacked him with a bottle, it was glass, and it broke all over him. I don't think it did much damage though, but it got his attention off her. I still had the broken neck in my hand and I went for him with it. I missed, but I think he got the picture, and he backed off. Anyway, I shouldn't have stood up like that; I put all my weight on my bad leg and it did something bad. If it wasn't broken before that it sure was after. Blackheath was furious when he got back. I think he shot Kurian himself. He sent Maddy back to the strongholds, where all the women and kids were, the families. He looked after me himself, but I went downhill pretty steady after that. I don't even remember Alex coming.

"Anyway. I'm fine now," he finished, rolling onto his stomach to play with Yashie.

"That's easy to say _now_. It could've been very different."

"I guess. That's the weird thing though. If you think about it, it's Blackheath that saved my life. I would have died at that surveillance post if he hadn't grabbed me. It was Alex that sent me there, and it was me that decided to fight in the first place… it's pretty hard to blame anyone for any of that."

"I _hate_ wars," I said, frustration tearing at my voice. "How come you have everyone trying to do their best and all you end up with is death and suffering and…"

"Hey," he said, pulling me into a hug. "Alex tried to stop this. You know he tried. Some people just won't stop til they've tried everything."

"You think it's inevitable?"

"I don't know. I don't want to think so. Maybe one day it won't be. Maybe Alex didn't let it get bad enough last time. People will remember this one, they won't be so keen on the idea for a while. Hey, maybe the Souls'll let us have boxing now, as a substitute?"

"You're a fruit loop," I smiled, shaking my head. "So you didn't see Dorsey then?"

"No. No one would have been able to get through though, Alex made sure of that. At least, not til they found Blackheath's hideout. I suppose she could have found him by now, if they'll let her back."

"You don't... you don't think they'd... shoot her do you? Think she's a traitor or something?"

He laughed.

"Blackheath _adores_ her, Mum! I don't think you really get that. He would do anything to keep her safe."

"What about the others?"

"Nah. No one would hurt Dorsey. Even if Blackheath wasn't in control anymore, they're all sweet on her. That's why they let me survive, I think, because of her."

He stretched in the humid air, and the sun glinted off his watch. I grabbed his wrist and saw the time.

"I'm going to head home," I said, "Alex'll be home in a sec and I better get started on something for dinner."

"I'm going to stick my feet in the river for a while," Bhask replied, gazing at the sunlight scattering off the water, "Let me take Yashie, she's hot too."

I didn't like her near the river, but it was very shallow here, and I knew Bhask would look after her. I watched her for a second, standing with the water up to her knees, wrists folded under her chin, grinning at Bhask. She was getting the hang of that standing thing. My little girl so grown up.

***

Alex was leaning over the kitchen sink when I got home, washing out a bloody rag that used to be his shirt.

"I'm fine," he said, holding up his hands in defeat, forestalling me, "you should see the other guy." I pulled the first aid kit out and made him sit down. I knew from experience it was no use trying to get him to go to the Healing Centre. He wouldn't go there unless he feared for his life.

"You going to tell me what happened?" I said tightly. His head was covered in cuts and bruises, and his knuckles were no better.

"We had a visitor today," he said after a minute, "Blackheath."

I dropped the washcloth and gripped the table.

"Dorsey?" I whispered.

"He was looking for her."

Time started again, and I picked up the washcloth slowly, remembering to breathe.

"She had found him about a week or two ago, must have been not long after we took his hideout. Anyway, she found out about Bhask and she was coming to see him, coming here."

"But-"

"No, she's not here. Maybe she came when we were all out. Maybe she went to the Healing Centre."

I returned to attending to the cuts on his head.

"So…" I prompted shortly.

"So apparently she wasn't pleased that Bhask had almost died under Blackheath's care, and they had a fight, and she left, and when he found out, he came after her."

"Here? He's crazy."

"I won't argue with that. I got home, he was sitting on the stairs. He reckoned I was hiding her or something."

"She must have gone to Margie's. You should've told him she'd be at Margie's."

He sighed, rubbing at his bruised head. I grabbed his hand and started dealing with the bleeding knuckles.

"He didn't give me a chance to say anything. He was insane. He just kept coming for me."

"I would have thought you would have flattened him."

He grimaced.

"He's quicker."

"And meaner," I muttered.

"I had to knock him out eventually though, he just kept coming."

I remembered well how hard Alex could punch.

"Oh man. He'll have to see a Healer then. You probably smashed his skull in. Where is he?"

"I took him to the Healing Centre."

"You took him to the Healing Centre?"

Alex nodded.

"What, and just left him there? A known violent human leader? He'll be put in cold storage!"

"I know."

"Dorsey will go berserk!"

He narrowed his eyes, but shrugged.

"You have to go get Dorsey."

"I was actually thinking of having a bit of a rest…"

"Well you should have thought of that before you put the love of your sister's life in cold storage!"

"Flame…"

"No, Alex, what if it were you, you don't think I'd be upset? Want to say good bye?"

"You're not very good at goodbyes."

"I know," I said more softly, "Doesn't mean she's not though."

He sighed. I finished with his hand, and threw him a t shirt out of the ironing pile. He hauled himself up, pulled it on, and walked slowly towards Margie's house.

I waited til he was out of sight and then drove to the Healing Centre.

***

Blackheath was out of surgery, tied to his bed by his wrists in case he woke up early. I watched him sleep, torn. If it were Alex, I would expect Dorsey to save him for me. But it wasn't Alex. It was someone who wanted to wipe the Souls off the face of the planet. And who had amply shown he was prepared to do whatever it took to achieve that goal.

But it was also the man Dorsey loved. She would be so furious with Alex, with me, – and she would be heartbroken… Blackheath was an entirely different man with her. Gentle, considerate. He was not a monster. He wasn't insane. He had saved my son's life. He was just fighting for what he believed in, same as Alex. Today they had fought over _Dorsey_. Maybe he could change for her. If he was in cold storage nothing would change. He would never have the chance.

I untied one of his wrists slowly, then stopped, biting my lip. If I did this, I'd be releasing the biggest threat to peace we had. The biggest threat to Alex. He'd already gone for him once.

And then it was too late. The decision was out of my hands. His eyes were open. The Healing Centre was filled with a frozen silence.

He had pulled my Glock out of my holster and was holding it to my head.


	25. Chapter 25 Finding out

**Finding out**

*******

"Everybody on the floor! Now!" Blackheath ordered.

Healers collapsed to the floor all over the place.

"Untie my wrist. Do it, or I'll shoot her!"

The nearest nurse stood shakily and untied his other wrist. He passed the gun to his other hand, directing me round with it so he could see all the Souls at once.

I was like a statue. My sister was in love with a killer. A cold blooded mass murderer. My Dorsey. I couldn't bear for her to love him. What would it take for her to realize what he was really like?

And then I knew what it would take.

I turned to face him, slowly placing myself square between him and the others. He stood, leaning on the bed slightly, watching me guardedly.

"Don't try the guilt thing. It's not going to work," he said curtly.

"What guilt thing?" I replied, looking at him steadily. "We tried to save your life in the desert; you ended up alive but scarred. You tried to save my baby, she was born premature but she survived… you shot my son but you tried to save him… I'd say that makes us quits."

His eyes darted from me to the others and back. His arm had fallen slightly, so the gun was now pointed at my chest.

"I'm exactly the same as all of them," I went on, "They all have sisters, sons, daughters, husbands… If anything, I should be the easiest one to kill. I'm a Seeker."

His eyes reminded me of a wolf's: piercing, wary, unreadable.

"Go on," I said, leaning on the tip of the gun.

I closed my eyes and waited, listening for him to pull the trigger.

I heard the sound of a gunshot and I felt no pain. Blackheath was the one who was screaming. I opened my eyes and saw him on the floor, clutching his arm, blood spurting between his fingers. My gun was on the floor beside him. I gazed at it, confused. Someone grabbed me from behind in a bear hug. _Alex, of course_, I thought as my legs dissolved. He pulled me away from the mass of Healers swarming around Blackheath, and sat me on another bed.

"You ok?" he said, holding my shoulders tightly and looking deep into my eyes. His poor head was still a hodge-podge of bruises.

I nodded. I couldn't quite get the hang of speaking again. He kissed my forehead and glanced back out the door. I followed his gaze.

Dorsey was standing in the middle of the corridor, staring at Blackheath's body in shock. I called out to her and she stared at my outstretched hand like she didn't recognize it. She looked gutted. Finally she came away from him.

"He was going to shoot you," she whispered.

"But he didn't," I said softly. Would he have? Now I didn't know. I guess we never would.

We sat for a while, staring at the floor. Eventually Alex took us out to the car, guiding us like sheep. Alex's knuckles were white on the steering wheel as he drove.

"You're going to tell me you went in there to yell at him for beating me up, aren't you?" he said finally, "I sure hope you are, because I can't come up any other _good _reason for you to be there."

I shot him a warning look. Dorsey was curled on the back seat, silent and pale.

"What's going to happen to him?" she whispered.

Alex and I glanced at each other.

"I don't know," Alex said softly. But he did know. Cold storage. An appointment with Shepherds Sound, the Soul that had once saved his life would now take it from him.

***

I had finally persuaded Dorsey to eat something, and put her to bed. She lay stiffly, staring at the mattress. I rubbed her back for a while, but she didn't relax. Finally I left her alone.

Alex was waiting for me in the kitchen, fists propped on the table, trying to keep his anger under control.

"You want to tell me what you were doing in there?" he said, jaw taught, unable to look at me.

"I wanted to make sure Dorsey had a chance to say goodbye," I said evenly. He looked at me darkly, eyes burning beneath the bruises.

"That's not what I heard," he growled. "I heard you telling him it would be easier to shoot you because you were a Seeker."

_Oh, that_.

"I did say that," I nodded slowly. Alex looked away, too furious to speak for a moment.

"You were trying to _make_ him shoot you," he said finally.

"Yes, I was trying to make him shoot me," I said, watching him carefully. Alex punched the table hard.

"I wanted to see if he would. I needed to know," I continued slowly, trying to make him understand.

"You were curious?!" Alex hissed, incensed. "And what about us? Don't we matter at all to you?"

"Alex…" I closed my eyes in frustration, "It wasn't loaded. It _wasn't_ _loaded_. He took it straight out of my holster. You think I'm just going to walk around the city with a clip in my gun? He would have pulled the trigger and nothing would have happened. But he didn't. He didn't pull the trigger."

Alex looked at me, stunned, trying to get his head around this. I watched him silently, waiting for him to understand, waiting for him to realize what this meant.

"Why do you do this to me?" he whispered finally, wrapping me tightly in his arms and pressing his face to mine. I put my arms around him and held him quietly, feeling his closeness at the same time as realizing I was alone. He didn't understand.


	26. Chapter 26 Defending

**Defending**

*******

As it turned out, Blackheath was to be tried for attempted murder for his actions in the Healing Centre. Though the humans had voted to accept the cold storage system, it was on the condition that any candidate went through a trial process first.

The adversarial system of trial was not supported by the Souls. It encouraged deception. But the humans did not trust another system, and until the issue was resolved, the old system was still used in human cases.

The initial proceedings had already taken place, and Dorsey had watched on a screen from another room. She did not want to be in the main room, where Blackheath sat, all too real. But neither could she bear to wait at home.

Today though, Alex, Dorsey, and I sat in the court chambers, as today we would be called as witnesses.

Alex was called to the witness stand first.

"I came home and found him waiting for me on the stairs," he said shortly, "We got into an argument and it became physical. I took him to the Healing Centre and then returned home. My wife returned home and as a result of a conversation with her I took my sister-in-law to the Healing Centre to see him."

"Can you tell us what happened at the Healing Centre that day?" the prosecutor asked. Alex took a breath.

"I saw Blackheath aiming a gun at my wife and telling the staff that he would kill her if they didn't obey him."

"He didn't end up shooting your wife that day. Do you think he would have?"

"I wouldn't have shot him if I didn't think so."

"Thank you."

Blackheath's counsel stood up.

"Did he shoot your wife?" he said simply.

"No, he didn't get the chance. I shot him."

"I believe your wife was talking to my client at the time."

"Yes," Alex said, his anger clear to all.

"What did you hear her say?"

"She was... she was trying to keep his attention on her. She was saying that he should find it easier to shoot her because she was a Seeker-"

"Do you think these comments would have had the effect of provoking him to shoot her."

"Yes."

"But, just to be clear, did he shoot her?"

"No."

"Thank you, no more questions."

Dorsey took the stand next.

"I had had an argument with him," she said softly, not looking at Blackheath, "I went to see my family, but they weren't home so I went to a friend's place instead. Then Alex came to get me. He said Blackheath had come looking for me. He would have thought I was risking cold storage, coming into the city, because of my association with him. He would have been worried about me. Um, so, Alex said he and Blackheath had been in a fight and Blackheath was at the Healing Centre. I knew this meant I wouldn't see him again. Alex took me down there to say goodbye."

She glanced at him, but Blackheath was as still as stone, arms crossed, face hard.

"And what happened when you got there?" The prosecutor prompted.

"Flame was already there."

"Your sister?"

"Yes. I... I saw him holding a gun to her."

"Do you believe he would have shot your sister?"

Dorsey was silent for a long time, then whispered:

"I don't know."

Blackheath leaned back and closed his eyes. He was sunk: even his best character witness believed he was guilty.

Blackheath's counsel came forward.

"Did he shoot your sister?" he said simply.

"No," Dorsey said.

"Thank you, no more questions."

Dorsey returned to her seat and covered her face in her hands. Alex put his arm around her and watched me take the stand.

"We understand that that day was a very traumatic experience for you," the judge noted, "Please just tell the court what you can."

"Ok," I said, trying to relax, "Uh... I came home and found my husband had been in a fight with Blackheath, and that he was now at the Healing Centre. I went to the Healing Centre… I, uh, I didn't want them to take him away before my sister had had a chance to say goodbye."

"But this was the man that had just beaten your husband?" the prosecutor asked.

"Yes."

"Didn't you want him to go straight to cold storage, where he could do no more harm to anyone?"

"No, I… I don't think he came intending to be violent. I think, I think he just panicked when he couldn't find Dorsey… I wanted her to have the chance to say goodbye because, because he saved my son, in the war-"

The prosecutor looked furious.

"Please contain yourself to the facts relating specifically to this case."

He walked back to the bench, calming himself.

"What happened then."

"I went to the Healing Centre and he was still unconscious after his surgery," I went on, "They… they had him tied to the bed. Uh, he woke up and took my gun-"

"Objection! How could he take your gun if he was tied to the bed?"

"Um, I think I had loosened one of the wrist ties – it looked really tight."

"Please continue."

"He took my gun and held it to my head. He was shouting, he made someone untie his other wrist. He made everyone lie on the ground. He knew they were going to put him in cold storage. I think he was panicking, I talked to him calmly… and then Alex shot him."

"Were you afraid that he would shoot you?"

"No."

I could say this calmly, with certainty, and my voice was strong and clear. I might think he wanted to shoot me, but I knew there was no way a bullet was coming out of that gun.

The prosecutor frowned.

"How could you be sure? He was holding a gun to your chest."

"He had had ample opportunity to shoot me. He hadn't. He had many more hostages he could have taken after me. I had been able to talk to him for several minutes, and he still hadn't taken the opportunity."

"No more questions, your honour," the prosecutor muttered.

Blackheath's counsel stood up slowly.

"If I may, I would like to ask the witness some questions relating to my clients state of mind on the day."

"Proceed."

"What is the relationship between Blackheath and your sister?"

"He loves her," I replied. Dorsey pulled her head out of her hands to look at me, on the verge of tears.

"So, would you agree that he would have been upset at the thought of her risking her life by coming into the city."

"Of course, he would have been terrified he would lose her."

"And when he could not find her…"

"He would have been frantic."

"And when he found himself trapped in a Soul-run Healing Centre, facing imminent cold storage?"

"He would have feared for his life."

"So would you agree that his actions at the Healing Centre were those of a man facing death, who was already in an agitated state?"

"Yes."

"And would you agree that a human would do anything to save himself in such a situation?"

"No," I said.

"No?" the lawyer said, surprised.

"No," I repeated, "He could have shot me, he could have killed a lot of Souls that day. He could have escaped. But he didn't."

Blackheath's counsel let the court room absorb my comments for a moment.

"Thank you. No further questions."

I made my way back to Dorsey and Alex, weak with release of nervous tension. Dorsey hugged me tight, shaking with tears.

"You really think that?" she whispered.

"Of course," I said, holding her close, "He could have, but he didn't. That's what counts, right?"

She buried her face in my shoulder, weeping with relief. Alex gave me a dark look, but said nothing.

Finally the judge reconvened.

"We find that there is insufficient evidence for a guilty charge on the matter of attempting to take life," he finished by saying. "However, the defendant's behavior has breached the code of conduct. In _several _sections. In light of his history of anti-Soul activity in this country, this is incompatible with continued residence here. We instruct the court to prepare him for transportation to a Soul-free zone for the term of his natural life."

Alex looked at me in shock.

"Would the defendant like to add anything to the proceedings?" the judge added.

Blackheath thought for a moment then stood up.

"I have no argument with the sentence," he said, "I think it's probably the best I could expect in this country. Many of you came here today thinking I would be found guilty. I would have faced cold storage, mind erasure, and implantation at a later date. This is the way forward everyone has decided on for those judged irretrievable.

"I could have been judged guilty today. If for any reason, some of my witnesses had not spoken, there is a real risk I would have been judged guilty. But I wasn't, and my life is spared. What I want to say is this." He looked round to every member of the courtroom.

"I want you to think how easy it would be to find an innocent man guilty, and condemn him to irreparable punishment. Is this a risk you are willing to take?"


	27. Chapter 27 Leaving

**Leaving**

*******

"So… so he's not going to be put in cold storage? Even for the Southern Offensive?" Bhask asked when we got back home.

"He could only be charged for war crimes. That's international law. Soul-free zones are outside the jurisdiction of international law. They've put him out of our reach," Alex said, taking Ayasha from him.

Dorsey wandered out the back silently, and I followed. She leaned on the back fence, gazing at nothing. I joined her, resting my forearms on the wood.

"I don't know if he's a good one or a bad one anymore," she said finally, looking away, her body tense with indecision.

_Neither did I_, I thought, but then, I'd never been sure.

"Yeah well, it has been over a month, but you've left him at least twice…" I said seriously. She laughed shortly, glancing at me. It was good to see her smile, even if only for a second.

"You know what I think?" I said softly, "I think maybe you've got both in the one guy."

"Is that supposed to be comforting?" she murmured, resting her chin on her arms.

"It's just the way it is," I replied, rubbing her back, "But what I do know is, he's a better guy when you're around."

She flashed me a look shining with hope, then went back to staring over the fence, thinking. I wished I could make her happy, but I knew there was nothing really I could do. She had to sort this one out for herself.

She held onto the top of the fence and leaned back til her arms were straight, letting out a silent breath.

"I'm going with him," she said firmly.

***

Those being transported to Soul-Free Zones were being assembled at a city on the coast. We all drove down with Dorsey and spent our time walking along the beaches and cliff tops while waiting for the departure.

"You're not going to try and stop her?" I asked Alex, my arm wrapped around his. He walked on silently. I knew he disagreed with the Soul-Free zones. He had to be involved in setting some up here, as a result of the Southern Offensive, and was doing all he could to make them as small and as short lived as possible.

"You know what Gariagdy told me, just after we got married?" he said.

"What, when he had to pretend to want to marry me to force you to do it?" I teased.

"Yeah," Alex replied, smiling, "He said: 'Women, like horses, belong to those who love them best.'"

"Just like men," I smiled at him, and he laughed.

"I don't want her to go," he said, looking out over the wild sea, churning gold in the light of the afternoon sun, "We'll all miss her. But she'll never forgive herself if she doesn't."

"She can always come back," he said quietly.

***

Dorsey was the last to board the shuttle. I stood beside the boarding gate, eking out every last second of our goodbye.

"You know I have to go with him," Dorsey said, holding me close.

"How am I going to keep Alex inline without you?" I said, frowning fiercely, shaking her coat.

"Oh yeah, he'll turn into Stalin and starting beating you, I can see it now," Dorsey smiled.

"His head will get so big it won't be able to fit in the door anymore," I wailed softly. She laughed and let me go, looking away.

"Hey, you've been doing alright so far. Anyway, Bhask will help you, won't you honey?"

Bhask gave her a small smile, not trusting himself to speak.

"I'll see you round?" she said, biting her lip.

I nodded. Alex put his arms around me silently.

She turned to wave before she boarded the shuttle, and then they were gone.

* * *

AN: Next story is called "Thaw"; look for it in another week or so. :)


	28. extra end bits :

AN: These are the boring quote bits that usually go at the beginning, only there were way too many so I'm chucking them at the end :)

* * *

Tired of faking faces  
Tired of playin' the games  
The rats can run their races  
For chicken-shit change, chicken-shit change  
Don't you wanna jump out of your skin?  
Touch the sun and all the splendor it brings?  
Immerse yourself in the vision of kings  
Take everything. Everything

Lokomotiv

There is the good and the bad, the great and the low, the just and the unjust. I swear to you that all that will never change. - **Albert Camus**

Kill one man, and you are a murderer. Kill millions of men, and you are a king. - **Jean Rostand**, _Thoughts of a Biologist (1939)_

Those who weep for the happy periods which they encounter in history acknowledge what they want; not the alleviation but the silencing of misery. - **Albert Camus**

A man who wishes to make a profession of goodness in everything must necessarily come to grief among so many who are not good. Therefore it is necessary for a prince, who wishes to maintain himself, to learn how not to be good, and to use this knowledge and not use it, according to the necessity of the case. -**Machiavelli 56**

Our outward and inward frame is full of imperfection; but there is nothing useless in nature, not even inutility itself. Our being is cemented with sickly qualities: ambition, jealousy, envy, revenge, superstition, and despair have so natural a possession in us. Whosoever should divest man of the seeds of which qualities, would destroy the fundamental conditions of human life. Vices find their place in it and are employed for sewing our society together, as are poisons for the preservation of our health. We are to resign this part to the strongest and boldest citizens, who sacrifice their honor and conscience, as others of old sacrificed their lives, for the good of their country: we, who are weaker, take upon us parts both that are more easy and less hazardous. The public weal requires that men should betray, and lie, and massacre.- **Michel de Montaigne**

I do not want to deprive deceit of its proper place; that would be misunderstanding the world. I know that it has often served profitably and that it maintains and feeds most of men's occupations. There are lawful vices, as there are many either good or excusable actions that are unlawful - **Montaigne 604.**

No private utility is worthy of our doing this violence to our conscience; the public utility, yes, when it is very apparent and very important - **Montaigne 607**

It is our defiance that redeems us - **Mark rowlands**

To assert in any case that a man must be absolutely cut off from society because he is absolutely evil amounts to saying that society is absolutely good, and no-one in his right mind will believe this today. - **Albert Camus**

"Mother of God," the wanderer said,

"I am but a common king,

Nor will I ask what saints may ask,

To see a secret thing.

"But for this earth most pitiful,

This little land I know,

If that which is for ever is,

Or if our hearts shall break with bliss,

Seeing the stranger go?

"When our last bow is broken, Queen,

And our last javelin cast,

Under some sad, green evening sky,

Holding a ruined cross on high,

Under warm westland grass to lie,

Shall we come home at last?"

And a voice came human but high up:

"The gates of heaven are lightly locked,

We do not guard our gain,

The heaviest hind may easily

Come silently and suddenly

Upon me in a lane.

"And any little maid that walks

In good thoughts apart,

May break the guard of the Three Kings

And see the dear and dreadful things

I hid within my heart.

But you and all the kind of Christ

Are ignorant and brave,

And you have wars you hardly win

And souls you hardly save.

"I tell you naught for your comfort,

Yea, naught for your desire,

Save that the sky grows darker yet

And the sea rises higher.

For the end of the world was long ago,

And all we dwell to-day

As children of some second birth,

Like a strange people left on earth

After a judgment day

exerts from The Ballad Of The White Horse: 02 - Book I: The Vision Of The King

G. K. Chesterton

"If it's kings we are, it's kings in grass castles that may be blown away in the wind."

Mary Durack, Kings in Grass Castles

* * *

To Nicola and Harry who once told me to just write for as long as I could, and see where it took me. This is where I stopped. For a while.

* * *


End file.
